Desire
by EGB Fan
Summary: Following on from 'The Sweetest Thing', Wanda and Celine are finally executing their revenge on Eduardo.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Characters created by Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Fil Barlow. The Spengler Twins and Charlene Zeddemore are creations of Fritz Baugh; all other original characters were created by me.

**Warnings: **Rated M for mild sexual content, strong language, use of a class C drug (the last I checked) and some violence in part 3.

_Extreme Ghostbusters: _**Desire**

Part 1

"Ah, Dr. Spengler." The voice seeped like warm treacle up through the hole in the floor. "I was hoping to run into you. There's something I'd like to ask you."

"Your ears pricked up just then," said Charlene Zeddemore.

She was answered with a dignified silence.

"Do you really think print is dead? Or was that just something for the movie?"

"Well, I certainly think it's _dying_, yes," came the voice of Egon Spengler.

"Well in that case, Dr. Spengler - over twenty years later, curiously enough - I should like to lend you a book. Would that be acceptable to you?"

"He talks a lot, doesn't he?" said Conchita Rivera. Until that point she and her younger sister Rose had both been more or less silent as they sat on the floor surrounded by crayons, blocking in the sections of adjacent pages in a colouring book.

"You're right, Chita, he does," said Charlene. "Did he talk that much when he walked you home from the bus stop yesterday, Jess?"

"I don't know, I wasn't listening," Jessica Venkman said tartly. Then, "What do you want now?" as the owner of the treacly voice sauntered into the room with a heavy looking bag slung over one shoulder.

"Good afternoon, ladies," Oz Ignacio said smoothly. "Jessica, aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?"

"No."

"I'm Charlene Zeddemore," said Charlene, trying to hide her surprise at the arrival of such an unexpectedly handsome young man. "And that's Conchita and Rose Rivera."

"_Hola_," Conchita said pleasantly.

"_Mucho gusto encantado, se__ñorita_," said Oz.

"Oh God," muttered Jessica.

"Rose…" said Oz, looking suddenly pensive. "I don't suppose you girls are familiar with the writings of Louisa May Alcott, by any chance?"

"_Little Women_," Conchita said at once.

"You've read it?"

"Bits of it, in the summer. Our aunt Beth read most of it to us."

"And did you like it?" asked Oz.

"Yes," said Conchita.

"You _would_," said Jessica.

Oz looked at Jessica with a cocked eyebrow. "Not an Alcott fan?"

"Hell no."

"No, I didn't think you would be. Well." He began to approach the two little girls in the corner, rummaging in his bag as he walked. "Perhaps you'd be interested in this."

He pulled from the bag a paperback which immediately made Conchita smile, and even Rose seemed interested when she saw the detailed and beautifully crafted (if a little mawkish) illustration on the cover. The book looked brand new, with not a crease on the sky-blue spine. Conchita took it, looked at the picture of the little blond girl ice-skating on the front, and then turned it over in her hands.

"Her name's Rose," she noticed, her smile widening.

"I think you'll like it," said Oz. "Keep it as long as you want."

"I… thank you."

"What book did you give to Egon?" Charlene asked suddenly.

Oz turned to face her and Jessica, still wearing the amicable smile he had been directing at Conchita and Rose, and said, "_Matilda_."

Jessica raised her eyebrows. "You gave Roald Dahl to _Egon_?"

"Dahl is one of the greatest writers ever to have lived. So." Oz helped himself to a seat on the sofa, just inches away from Jessica. "You run the day-care centre here."

"I seem to, don't I?" Jessica said dryly, looking down at the magazine in her hands and deliberately avoiding his eye. "Poor kids. I used to get dumped on people when I was little - it's very unsettling."

"Then whose responsibility do you think children are?" asked Oz.

"Their mothers'."

"Really?"

"Yes. Janine's off with _her_ brats today, and frankly I approve."

"Don't you believe that women shouldn't have to sacrifice themselves to the biological accident of being the ones to bear children?"

"Well of course I do," said Jessica. "They _shouldn__'__t_ have to, but they do - it's an impossible situation. If I ever have a kid, it won't be until after I make a million dollars."

"How will you make a million dollars?"

"Well I probably won't."

"Jessica," said Oz. "May I give you a book?"

Jessica looked up sharply. "You've got to be kidding."

"No, really," and Oz began rummaging around in his bag again. "It's a contemporary utopian novel by Marge Piercy called _Woman on the Edge of the Time_. It's heavy going, but I think you'd find it really interesting. If I give it to you, will you read it?"

"Why do you carry all of these books around with you?" asked Jessica, as Oz produced yet another immaculate, brand new paperback from his bag.

"I like books," he said simply.

"Yeah, well, I like Ben and Jerry's ice cream but I don't carry tubs of it around in a bag."

"I came here, Jessica, because I wanted to make you a present of a good book. Obviously I misfired with those flowers I gave you, but this time I flatter myself that I've got it right. I had a sort of feeling I should bring the Alcott," he added, glancing over to where Rose and Conchita were examining the handsome book together, "but I didn't really think _you__'__d_ want it. So." He handed the thick paperback to Jessica. "Please accept this."

"Oh, all right, if you insist," said Jessica, who was fond of presents. She took the book and turned it over in her hands, beginning to skim-read the summary on the back.

"Everyone approaches a new book just the same, don't they?" said Oz. "You look at the cover illustration, read the title, then turn it over and read the back. And suddenly you're full of preconceptions, which may or may not be correct. They're adorable, aren't they?"

"What?" said Jessica, looking at him, and he nodded towards Conchita and Rose. "Oh, yeah, sure, if you like that sort of thing."

"They've got such _huge_ eyes!"

"You'll see where they get them from in a moment," said Jessica, as she caught the sound of the Ecto-1 pulling into the foyer downstairs. "You might want to have another look in that bag and see what books you can lend three Ghostbusters."

"Only three?" asked Oz.

"Eduardo's not here," said Jessica. Then she lowered her voice to add, "No one's mentioned him and I don't like to ask where he is."

"Well," said Oz, "his daughters seem happy, so nothing _that_ bad can have happened."

"I never said they were his daughters."

"Yes, well, if you remember the last time I was here, I met an Eduardo who looks a little bit like Conchita and a lot like Rose and he told me he had two daughters aged six and three. I should have been a detective, shouldn't I? Conchita; Rose?" He suddenly took his attention away from Jessica, stood up and began to walk towards the young sisters. "I'd love it if you let me read some of that to you."

"See what I mean?" Jessica hissed at Charlene, as Oz settled himself on the floor with Conchita and Rose. "He's _weird_!"

"He's cute, though," murmured Charlene.

"He's gorgeous - and doesn't he know it."

"Well… not so you'd notice."

Oz hadn't read very many pages of _Eight Cousins_ by the time the three Ghostbusters appeared. As Kylie Griffin, Roland Jackson and Garrett Miller entered the room, he was proclaiming, " ' "I'm afraid of horses, and boats make me ill, and I _hate_ boys!" And poor Rose wrung her hands at the awful prospect before her.' Oh, hello." He stopped, and smiled pleasantly when he saw a woman who had to be these girls' mother looking down at him in bewilderment. "We haven't met. I'm Oz. You must be Kylie."

Kylie's only reply was, "You don't have to do that."

"Oh, it's my pleasure," Oz smiled beatifically.

"Is that yours?" asked Kylie, nodding towards the book.

"Yes, it is, but I'm happy to lend it."

"It looks brand new."

"It is, but I really don't mind lending it - I've another at home."

Kylie blinked. "Oh."

"When is Daddy coming back?" Rose asked suddenly.

"I don't know, baby, but I don't think he can be _much_ longer," said Kylie.

"It's amazing how a good book makes the time fly," said Oz. "Are you enjoying it?"

"Yes," said Rose.

"Me too," said Conchita. "Please keep reading."

Oz obediently took up the narrative once again, and Kylie slunk across the room towards Jessica, who was engaged in quiet conversation with Garrett and Roland.

"There's nothing I _can_ do," Jessica was saying. "He's just shown up with this sudden obsession with lending people books."

"He said he's got another copy of that one at home," Kylie jumped in. "I don't think he intends to take that one back. Why did he even bring it, anyway?"

"He said he had a _feeling_ he ought to," said Jessica.

"The guy's insane," Garrett decided. "You should get a restraining order or something."

"I don't like accepting gifts from him," added Kylie.

"It's Alcott in paperback," said Jessica. "It would have only cost him about ten dollars."

"But why spend money on my children _at all_? Oh." She had seemed all set to have a conversation, but then suddenly moved off as Eduardo appeared in the doorway, and she started dragging him towards the stairs to the top floor.

"Hm," Jessica said succinctly. "_She__'__s_ keen."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"How did it go?" asked Kylie.

"Um…"

"Oh, you absolute _fuck wit_!" Suddenly all the concern was gone from her voice. "You chickened out, didn't you!"

"It's _embarrassing_, Kylie," Eduardo said desperately. "What if it was you?"

"_What_?" squeaked Kylie. "How can you _say_ that to me? You know I've had smear tests, and you were _there_ both times I gave bir- "

"Yeah, well, you've always been braver than me," Eduardo said irritably.

Kylie pursed her lips shut, took some deep breaths through her nose, and then said, "I know you're hoping it'll just go away by itself - but you have to believe me, honey, that it _won__'__t_. You _need_ to get it checked out or it's just going to get worse."

He didn't say anything.

"I still think Egon would - "

"No!"

"Well then you're going to have to go back to Dr. Legg. I know it's embarrassing, but you'll just have to put up with it for a few minutes, and then he'll prescribe something and… well, then it'll start to get better."

"I don't need a doctor," said Eduardo. "It's not that bad."

"I wish you'd at least let _me_ see it," said Kylie.

Eduardo sighed heavily. "What good would it do?"

"What _harm_ would it do? Eduardo, as I really don't believe that you'd make it up as an excuse for not wanting to have sex anymore, I can think of only one reason why you'd refuse to let me see it. I think you're understating the problem, and you know that if I see how bad it _really_ is I'll force you to realise that you're going to make yourself extremely ill if you don't _do_ something about it!"

Eduardo scowled at her. "That's ridiculous."

"Yeah?" Kylie folded her arms across her chest, cocked her head to one side and gave him a challenging look. "Prove it."

"What, here?"

"Yes."

"I'm going back downstairs now."

"But - "

He completely ignored the very fact that she wanted to speak, and knocked her slightly as he passed her - whether deliberately or not, she couldn't tell. Kylie turned and followed him downstairs, where she saw him being met by Conchita and Rose, the former asking, "Are you ok?"

"'Course, honey, I'm fine," said Eduardo.

"Eduardo," Kylie said sternly.

He turned to face her, and she beckoned him across the room with an expression on her face that she had only perfected since becoming a mother. She took him right into the far corner, pulled him as close to her as she could and murmured through her teeth in a conscious effort not to move her lips too much, "Do not lie to them."

"I'm not lying."

"You're misleading them. You are clearly not _fine_, and if you die of some sort of horrible skin disease _I__'__m_ going to be the one who has to explain to two distraught little girls why their extremely sick father let them think he _was_ fine!"

"What do you want me to say to them?" hissed Eduardo.

"Just tell them you need to go to the doctor at least one more time. I'm going to make you another appointment."

"You've got no right to do that. You are not my mother."

"Now there's an idea. She'd soon knock some sense into you - I'll call _her_ instead."

"Oh, now you're just being childish."

"Am I? If Carlota coming round with her bottle of skin ointment is what it'll take to make you see a doctor…"

He turned and walked away from her again, this time almost tripping over Rose as she popped up to ask, "What are you fighting about?"

"Just the doctor," Eduardo said wearily. "Don't worry about it, Rosie."

"We need you to read this," Rose suddenly changed the subject, holding Oz's copy of _Eight Cousins_ up to her father. "Oz is going."

"Oh." Eduardo took the book from his daughter's hands and looked blankly at the cover. "Right, ok."

Oz, meanwhile, was leaning over the back of the sofa and saying to Jessica, "May I make a suggestion?"

"What if I said no?" she said, not looking up from the thick paperback that she had already begun to read.

"Indulge me," said Oz. "Please."

"Go on then."

"If you decide you want to discuss that book with me, may we do it over dinner?"

"Ah," said Jessica. "That sounds like the beginning of a deal. All right, we can - on condition that if I _don__'__t_ want to discuss the book, you quit pestering me."

Oz gave her a soft-as-feathers smile as he said, "You really want me to?"

"I do."

"Very well then, Miss Venkman, I agree to your terms."

"I thought you were leaving."

"I am. Do enjoy your reading, Jessica. Charlene, Ghostbusters - goodbye to you all. Conchita and Rose - _adios_. Do let me know how you enjoy the rest of the book."

Once he had left, Conchita went and tugged on Jessica's sleeve to get her attention and said, "Why don't you want to go out with him? He's really nice."

"Honestly, Conchita," said Jessica. "One classic novel and you're anyone's. Come back to me in five or six years and I'll teach you a thing or two about boys."

"Let me save you the trouble," Charlene said dryly. "Listen to this, Conchita. Vampires and demons: good. Nice attractive boys with a passion for literature: bad."

"Shut up, Charlene," said Jessica, who was already back in the book.

"You're enjoying that book, though."

She snapped the novel shut. "No I'm not." But she was reading it again in five minutes.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"You're a Neanderthal." Celine leaned back against the pillows, watching her lover as she pored over a thick hardback at the desk in the far corner. "What is it again that you don't like about men? No, wait, I remember - it's their baseness, lack of depth and the fact that their entire focus centres around the penis."

"It's a start," Wanda said.

"Right," Celine said dryly. "So what's the next step?"

"I'm working on that."

"Y'know, if _I__'__d_ suggested that you would have probably refused to do it because it was sinking to his level or something."

"Well it's done now," said Wanda, "so there's no point going on about it. And anyway, it was a good idea. We want to hurt him, and you know what men are like."

"Do I?" said Celine. "Well, by _your _standards I probably do. Wanda, when was the last time you actually had a conversation with a man?"

"This morning."

"What, with Oz?"

"Ah-ha."

"I meant a _normal_ man."

A knock came at the door. Wanda looked up, and said, "Come in."

"Hello, ladies," said Oz, as he let himself into the room, carrying in his left hand a worn old Barbie-sized doll with brown hair and the look of a tough life about her. "Wanda, may I ask you a question about this doll?"

"I told you everything I know about it," said Wanda. "Jessica's half-brother's English stepmother gave it to her."

"And what about between then and now?" said Oz. "Did it, by any chance, pass into the hands of a new owner? Or even two?"

"What makes you ask that?" Wanda said levelly.

"Only that I was getting some conflicting information from it. It seemed to have belonged to at least two girls who seem the very antitheses of one another - and then I go to the firehouse and discover that it is in fact the little Riveras who enjoy sentimental Victorian children's stories. They're really sweet girls, you know. Both very pretty."

"You've been to the firehouse?" asked Celine. "Did you see Eduardo?"

"Briefly."

"How did he seem?"

"I refuse to act as spy for you," said Oz. Then he held up the doll and looked mournfully down at it. "Oh dear, little dolly, it looks like I'm going to have to return you to your rightful owners."

"They had hundreds of the things," said Wanda. "They won't miss one."

"I don't entirely approve of stealing from children," said Oz. "She _has_ been useful, though - I'm grateful to you, Wanda. How are you guys finding Eduardo's earring?"

"Useful, I think," said Wanda. "But it would help if you told us how he was."

"I have not changed my position on that," said Oz. "In associating with the Ghostbusters and their offspring, I am only trying to make a new friend."

"I thought you were trying to get into bed with a teenage girl," said Wanda.

"She's too young, I think," said Oz. "And besides, I don't tend to desire people."

"What?" said Celine. "Come on, Oz, that's ridiculous - everybody desires people."

"No," said Oz, "not everybody. I _do_ get a lot of sexual energy from this doll, though. Either those two little girls are disturbingly precocious, or Jessica's growing up fast."

"Mightn't it be the stepmother?" asked Celine.

"Well," said Oz, "it might. Anyway, I'll leave you to your, um… plotting."

He left, shutting the door behind him, and Celine hissed, "Wanda, I'm not so sure I feel comfortable living with him. He's really weird."

"He's liveable with," Wanda returned shortly. "And besides, where else are we gonna find a landlord who lets us use our room to wreak magical revenge on somebody?"

"Doesn't it occur to you to wonder how an eighteen year old with no job and apparently no parents came to have a two-bedroom house in the first place? There's something sinister about it, if you ask me."

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic. They probably just died of something and left him the house. Now listen, I think I know what I'd like to do next. Come and have a look."

"Does it hurt his family too?" asked Celine. "I'm not so sure that's fair, you know."

"Celine, we are trying to _deprive_ him of his family. It's bound to hurt them a little bit at first - how many more times do we have to have this conversation?"

"Why _did_ you stop him being able to make love to Kylie?"

"Don't be stupid, Celine - it's a punishment."

"It doesn't just punish _him_, though, does it?"

"Of course it does," said Wanda. "Kylie doesn't need to go anywhere _near _a penis in order to be sexually fulfilled."

"Ah-ha," said Celine. "And you're just trying to make sure she knows that, right?"

Wanda sighed heavily. "What are you talking about?"

"I know there's another way. I don't like concentrating all of our efforts on the marriage - I think we should just focus on _him_."

"We _are_!"

"We're _not_!"

"Do you want them to stay together?" Wanda asked hotly.

"I don't want to deliberately split them up," said Celine.

"You're going to have to stop arguing with me," said Wanda. "If you and I aren't cooperating, this isn't going to work."

"Then maybe you should start listening to some of my ideas," Celine retorted.

"I want him in physical and emotional pain," said Wanda. "So do you."

"_And_ you want Kylie free of him."

"Well… yes."

"Because you're jealous."

"_What_?"

"You've stopped them from having sex because you wish _you_ were in his place."

"Oh don't be ridiculous," said Wanda. "Celine, haven't we had this conversation?"

"So it's ridiculous, is it?" said Celine. "Fine. Prove it. Don't do anything else to their marriage just yet. Let _me_ find something that'll hurt him as much. Or more."

Wanda scowled. "I shouldn't have to prove anything to you!"

"You know what _I_ didn't like about being in relationships with men?" Celine went on hotly. "They were always so domineering - they wanted to be the one in charge."

"Oh, right - and I'm the same, am I?"

"Yeah, you are."

"All right, fine," said Wanda. "Find some other way to hurt him. Then tonight we'll look at it and my idea together, and decide which one to go with."

"You mean _you__'__ll _decide."

"Hadn't you better get started?"

"Yeah." Celine scrambled off the bed and headed for the door. "I better had."

She slammed the door behind her, made her way downstairs and was about to leave the house, when Oz's voice called from the living room, "Is that you, Celine?"

"Yeah." Celine went resignedly to stand in the living room doorway, and saw Oz lying back on the sofa with a paperback in his hands.

"Have you ever read anything by Pat Barker?" he asked.

"Oz, please don't lend me any more books - I've hardly made a dent in the pile you've already given me."

"All right, I won't," Oz said affably. "I only wondered. She's a writer from the north of England, and one of those girls really admires her work - _and_, since I've just read an extremely graphic scene depicting the rape of an underage girl, I'll hope it's Jessica."

"You can tell that just from an old doll, huh?" Celine said dully.

"Are you all right, Celine?" said Oz. "You seem a little down."

"I'll be fine. Oz, when you went to the firehouse, was Roland there?"

"Perhaps. Which one is he?"

Celine felt faintly ashamed that the only way she could think of to describe Roland Jackson was, "Black guy."

"Oh, yes, he was there. Quiet, but there," and he returned his attention to his book.

Celine was about to leave, but then hung back and said timidly, "Oz?"

Oz looked up. "Yes, Miss Beck?"

"Do you _really_ not feel desire for people?"

"I really don't," said Oz.

"How?"

"I don't know. Perhaps I have some kind of abnormality."

"So what is it about this girl, if you don't… _desire _her?"

"Well," said Oz, "she's a _fascinating_ conversationalist."

"Oh," said Celine.

"Desire is a dangerous thing, Celine. Haven't you ever read _Romeo and Juliet_?"

"I've seen the Leo DiCaprio movie."

Oz winced as though in physical pain. "Eugh."

"But… don't you ever just want to be held and, and made to feel special?"

"Not often."

"Right," said Celine. "Well, I'm going out now."

"Always a good idea for one feeling down in the dumps," said Oz. "Have a nice time."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Roland was looking after reception when the phone rang. Glad of something to do other than paperwork, he picked up the receiver and said the conventional, "Ghostbusters."

"Roland, is that you?" an anxious female voice buzzed back at him.

"Er, yeah."

"Oh, I'm so glad _you_ answered! It's Celine."

"Oh, hi," Roland said pleasantly. "How are you?"

"Terrible."

"Oh."

"I need to see you."

"Right," said Roland. "Well, I can get away in a couple of - "

"Now."

"_Now_? But I'm working."

"Please," Celine said desperately. "I'm at Bess's grave again and I'm going out of my mind - _please_ come and see me. There's murder in me, Roland."

Roland was silent for a few moments. Then he said, "I'll be right there."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"All right."

Celine turned round when she heard his voice.

"So were you exaggerating or not?"

She sighed heavily. "A little."

"Who do you want to murder?"

"Oh, just… someone. I'm jealous, Roland. It's just eating away inside of me - it's horrible. I've been seeing someone, but there's this other woman that I _know_ this person wants more than me, and that's not her fault but I can't stand it and I just keep thinking these horrible, evil things about her!"

"Ok," Roland said evenly. "Well, you're going to have to stop that."

"I don't know how," said Celine.

"You should talk to your boyfriend - clear things up with him."

For some reason Celine didn't bother to correct him. She just said, "Is that it? You want me to talk about my feelings?"

"Yes."

"Does that help _you_ when you have a problem?"

"Yes."

"I'd rather talk to you about them," said Celine.

Roland blinked. "What?"

"You remember the conversation you and I had the last time we were here?"

"Um… yes."

"I haven't had a conversation like that for years. Maybe even ever! You actually _listened_ to me, and then you tried to make me feel better. You'd be amazed how many people won't do that. Like Wanda, for example. She has to turn _everything_ into a competition - so, like, if you have a headache then she knows somebody with a worse headache."

"That must be very disheartening," said Roland.

"Right," said Celine. "When you and I were talking about Bess, most people would have just gone: well, I know this many people who died and I had to go to bereavement counselling for seven months - and shit like that."

"But Celine, talking to _me_ isn't going to do you any good," said Roland. "I've given you my advice - I can't help you any more."

"You could."

Roland opened his mouth, probably to ask her to elaborate, but he didn't need to ask. Suddenly her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him. She did it completely on impulse, and with absolutely no idea how he would react. But then seconds later, she was still kissing him. He wasn't resisting. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying it.

But then suddenly they weren't kissing anymore. Roland pulled back, looking faintly alarmed, and said, "You're seeing someone."

"Maybe," said Celine.

"And… and _I__'__m_ seeing one."

"Ah." Celine stepped back from him and dropped her arms to her sides. "Who?"

"No one you know. Well… probably."

"What's her name?"

"Grace. Grace Temple."

At this, Celine burst out laughing. "Grace Temple. Oh God, of course you're going out with a Grace Temple. Prayer at mealtimes, house of God."

"She's not religious."

"So what's she like?" asked Celine. "Beautiful? Brilliant? Spirited? Morally adept?"

"_I _think so, yes," said Roland.

"Maybe _I__'__d_ have been a better person with a name like Grace Temple."

"If you want to be a better person, Celine, you can be."

"Maybe," said Celine. "What if I was?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you and Grace aren't _married_, are you? How long have you been seeing her?"

"About five months," said Roland.

"Not much longer than I've been seeing mine."

"Long enough. Let's not have the what-if-you'd-met-me-first conversation."

"You _did_ meet me first."

"Well… yes, but not this time around."

"You enjoyed that kiss," said Celine. "Your heart was going a mile a minute." She wanted to ask him if Grace satisfied him, but decided against it.

"Please," said Roland. "Can we just drop it?"

"Of course," said Celine. "Only _you_ know what you felt, and if you liked it… you know where I am."

It seemed a good note to end on, so she started to walk away. But then Roland's voice hit her from behind again: "No I don't."

"Oh yeah." Celine turned round and made her way back to him. "Will you let me give you my cell phone number?"

"Well…"

"You wouldn't be doing anything wrong. It's early days with Grace - no one else in your position would feel any qualms about keeping their options open."

"What about you?" asked Roland. "Are you going back to this boyfriend of yours now?"

"Not right away," said Celine, "but I will. I'll tell you this, though: I'm pretty sure I'd rather be with you."

"All because of this other woman?" asked Roland. "I'm sure if you talked about it…"

"We _have_ talked about it," said Celine. "It's not just her, but she doesn't help. When we're… you know… together, I always feel like a consolation prize." She glanced down at the grave as a thought struck her, and added, "I suppose Bess must have felt that way with Eduardo. She was always second best to Kylie, wasn't she?"

"I guess she was," said Roland. "But…"

"But what?"

"I don't know. Eduardo's my friend - I feel I should defend him."

"Don't bother - I really do have to go now," said Celine. "I'm giving you my number," and she dug a scrap of paper and a pen out of her pocket that she had brought along just in case. "It's up to you what you do with it."

"Celine, listen," said Roland. "I don't feel like I've stopped you thinking that way about this other woman. Please can you… not? You said yourself, it's not her fault."

She smiled sadly, and said, "Maybe I should start feeling it towards Grace instead."

"I'd rather you didn't."

"It's better that way. At least she's only imaginary to me. Bye, Roland."

Though she felt that she shouldn't, Celine craned her neck slightly to kiss him on the cheek, and then turned to leave without watching his reaction. As she walked away, making a conscious effort not to look back, she tried to console herself. Ok, so it hadn't gone quite as she would have liked, but at least she knew that he found her attractive, and that was reassuring. Even Wanda didn't make her feel truly desirable.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Roland got back to the firehouse, Garrett was manning the reception desk and there was absolutely no sound coming from anywhere in the building.

"Where is everyone?" asked Roland.

"Oh, right," said Garrett, adopting a look of concentration. "Dana came and took Jess because Peter and Oscar were about to land at JFK; Charlene took the titches out for ice cream because there was some concern about the 'atmosphere', and then after they left Ky and Eddie had this _huge_ bust-up about something so now she's in the basement and he's on the roof or somewhere. Is that everyone?"

"Egon and Slimer?"

"Um. Lab, and… kitchen?"

"Yeah, probably," Roland said wearily.

"You've been doing something interesting too, haven't you?" said Garrett. "I'm starting to feel really boring here - the rest of you all have something going on."

"Yeah, well, enjoy it while you can," Roland said with feeling. "I went _years_ without anything going on. I miss those days now."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo and Kylie had both calmed down considerably by the time they saw their daughters again, and by dinnertime they were interacting as they usually did. It seemed that they had silently agreed to make up, though they didn't get a chance to talk things through until the late evening when Conchita and Rose were both asleep.

"So did you make me another doctor's appointment?" asked Eduardo.

"Yes," said Kylie.

He was on the sofa with their cat Pagan, browsing through the TV guide, and she had just come from tucking Conchita into bed.

"Thank you," he said.

Kylie blinked in surprise. "Oh."

"You're right," said Eduardo. "I _need_ to see a doctor. If I was on my own I'd just keep hoping it would go away, and all the time it would be getting worse until something horrible happened. So, y'know, thanks for nagging me."

"I wouldn't have pushed so hard if it _wasn__'__t_ something that was going to damage you physically," said Kylie.

"Yeah, I know." He let out a long sigh. "I hate doctors."

"I know you do, babe." She was smiling sympathetically as she said it, but then suddenly the smile gave up altogether.

"Are you ok?" asked Eduardo.

"Well," said Kylie, "yes and no. I just… I'm _really_ worried about you. It might be something terrible. I _know_ you're playing it down when you describe it to me."

"_How_ do you know?"

"Because I've known you for ten years."

"Yeah, well… when's this doctor's appointment?"

"Tomorrow morning. I made it sound _really_ urgent."

"Then we'll know more by tomorrow lunchtime," said Eduardo.

"Yeah," Kylie said dully.

Through all of this she had remained standing, but now she went and sat down beside Eduardo and put her hand on his shoulder. As she did so, he felt a slight irritation on the skin beneath his t-shirt, just where she had put her hand. He shifted slightly, and said, "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine."

"Are you ok?"

"Well…"

"Apart from that. You're wriggling."

"Sorry," said Eduardo.

"It's going to be impossible not to worry," said Kylie. "I can't help it, so just let me."

They had definitely made up now, so all that remained was the kiss. Kylie reached up to touch Eduardo's face, and as she put her hand on his skin he felt a sharp sensation as though he was being stung. Reflexively he jerked his head away, and Kylie stared at him.

"Um, sorry," he said again. "It's just…"

Kylie winced. "Oh, God - it's probably the same thing."

"Er… yeah."

"Thank God you've agreed to go to the doctor."

She got up onto her knees, which would make it easier for her to kiss him, and leaned in towards him. Suddenly, her lips were like molten lava on his. He jerked his head back, staring at her in disbelief, the pain still lingering on his mouth after he broke contact.

"What's wrong?" she asked anxiously, and made the unfortunate gesture of touching his arm. This time, it was worse than when she had touched his cheek. It was as though she was wearing a white-hot iron glove.

"Eduardo!" she said, beginning to sound angry and hurt rather than confused, as he leapt to his feet.

"I…"

"What?"

He just stared at her. How could he explain? And how could she believe it? All right, so she was a Ghostbuster, but there was just no reason for this. She had touched him every day, in one way or another, for almost nine-and-a-half years. Eduardo racked his brains, trying to find the right words, but he just couldn't bring himself to tell her this when he didn't have any kind of reassuring idea as to why it might be happening.

"_Tell_ me!"

But on the other hand, he was going to have to tell her something, and it really did have to be the truth. He opened his mouth, but he still didn't have the words. Where should he start? How could he possibly make it not sound as though he simply didn't _want_ to touch her? In the end, the best he could do was, "I don't understand!"

"Neither do I," Kylie said desperately.

"It… it can't just be some skin disease."

"You're not making any sense."

"Ky… when you touched me just now…"

There was a very long silence, which Kylie finally broke with, "_What_?"

Eduardo looked down at his arm, half expecting to see the imprint of her hand as though it had been branded into his skin. But there wasn't so much as a blemish.

"I'm going to bed," Kylie said at last.

"Ky…"

He got no further than that. She went to bed, and he didn't join her. He took pillows and a blanket to the couch, and lay there imagining her in bed, wondering why he wasn't getting in there with her and giving her a satisfactory explanation for his odd behaviour. But if he did that, she'd want to touch him; he would lose the power of speech, and the whole thing would happen all over again. He needed time to think this one through.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It was late when Celine got home. Oz had cocooned himself in his bedroom - a source of much curiosity, never before seen by either of his tenants. Wanda was still awake, and reading by lamplight. Celine glanced at the cover of the book, and saw that it was a novel called _The Ice People_ by Maggie Gee: one of Oz's recommendations.

"How's the book?" Celine asked dully.

"Crap." Wanda closed the book and put it down. "It's all about how women are going to become the dominant sex and that's somehow a _bad_ thing. And then everybody's going to die anyway because there's another ice age. You found something, then?" and she nodded towards the book that Celine was carrying.

"Yes," said Celine. "But I'm too late, aren't I?"

"We can use it tomorrow," said Wanda, and Celine was struck by the tenderness in her tone. "I don't need to see it now - I know it'll be good, if you chose it for him."

"Is that an apology?"

"Well… yes. You were right, Celine, I should listen to you. We're in this together."

"Well thank you," said Celine. "So what happened while I was away? Did you go ahead and do it anyway?"

"Why would you think that?" asked Wanda.

"You sort of _look_ like you've been performing magic."

"Yeah, well, so what if I did? The more horrible things we do to him, the better. We'll do yours tomorrow, like I said. Now, are you coming to bed?"

"Sure. Just let me go to the bathroom."

They had only been sleeping together for two months, and already Celine was beginning to feel uncomfortable with it. She would happily have been a lesbian for the rest of her life, if only she believed that Wanda was really with her when they made love. The idea that Kylie was always in bed with them was becoming an obsession.

Over the past few weeks, listening to the way Wanda talked about Eduardo's relationship with his lover, Celine had fabricated a fantasy about Kylie and convinced herself that her own lover was living it every night. It simply involved Kylie, sexually frustrated after Eduardo's castration, falling into Wanda's arms and learning the joys of being with another woman. A big part of Celine knew that it might not be true at all, but the very fact that Wanda clearly lusted after Kylie was enough to make her ache with jealousy.

That night, as she went through her pre-sleep ritual, Celine decided that she would take a little private revenge against Wanda by bringing yet another person into their lovemaking. That kiss with Roland had left her feeling itchy, to the say the least. There was no denying that she wanted him.

But when she got into bed, she found that it wasn't so easy to pretend. Celine's body was very different from Kylie's, but they at least had gender in common, which was more than could be said for Roland and Wanda. It was good, though. Once she had abandoned her fantasy of being with a man - a sweet, kind, understanding and considerate man - Celine only had to remind herself that Wanda, whom she claimed to love, was trying to mend a rift in their relationship. She even forgot about Kylie… until afterwards, when Wanda suddenly said, "Y'know what? That's put me in the mood for a little bit more revenge."

Celine stared at her through the darkness. "Why?"

"Because I'm on a high. Aren't you?"

"I didn't know revenge worked in _that_ way for you." She didn't say so, but it only confirmed her suspicion that Wanda was thinking of Kylie whenever she was planning or executing her revenge.

"Come on, Celine, don't be difficult," said Wanda. "Show me your idea."

"All right," Celine relented, and she climbed out of bed, groping around the floor for some clothes. "It's probably best to do it while he's sleeping anyway."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After a fitful night's sleep on the couch, Eduardo couldn't believe that being touched by Kylie had really caused him as much pain as his reaction seemed to suggest. He tried but, for whatever reason, he couldn't remember the pain. He only remembered tearing himself from her touch as though she was charged with electricity.

When he heard her entering the room, Eduardo rolled over onto his back and opened his eyes. He couldn't see. Gripped with panic, he sat bolt upright and began to blink rapidly. Very soon he began to see the basic shapes in the familiar living room, and a blur that was Kylie moving around, but he saw none of it with any clarity at all.

"Sleep well?" asked Kylie.

"Um." Eduardo closed his eyes, shook his head and then didn't dare look. "Not really."

"Neither did I. Why didn't you come to bed?"

"I'm sorry."

"That doesn't answer my question. Hey… are you ok?"

He opened his eyes and saw her walking towards him perfectly clearly. He knew very well that he should have told her, and he knew that being temporarily blind was serious; but with the problem gone for the moment, all he did was convince himself that he didn't need to do anything about it.

He managed a weak smile as Kylie crouched down in front of him. He flinched instinctively when she reached her hand out to him, and again she looked hurt, but this time the heat from her hand was bearable for a good five seconds. He let her touch his cheek until it became too much; then he gently took her hand away, his palm burning as he held her wrist, and said, "What time is my appointment?"

"Ten."

He dropped her wrist. "Right."

"Are you feeling worse?"

"A little."

"You'd better stay here while I take the girls to school," said Kylie. "Then I'll come back and take you to the doctor."

"You have to go to work."

"You can't go by yourself - you don't look well enough."

"I'm fine," and he tried to stand up as he said it, which turned out to be a bad idea. He was suddenly confronted with huge black spots flashing in front of his eyes, and he sat down again abruptly.

"Beth would go with you," said Kylie. "Let me call her."

Eduardo nodded, which action conspired with his wonky vision to give him a splitting headache, and said, "Yeah, ok. Thanks, Ky."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Oz had been awake reading for a good hour and a half when he heard Celine and Wanda leaving for work. He had no idea what either of them did, but whatever it was it paid the rent, so he didn't much care.

"Goodbye!" he called, when he heard the front door click open. "Have a nice day!"

Neither of them answered. Shaking his head at their rudeness, Oz brought his legs and feet up onto the couch and finished the final eighteen chapters of _Oliver Twist_. By the time he reached the end of the book it was pretty much lunchtime, so he put together a light sandwich and began contemplating the doll that used to belong to Jessica.

He sat her on the top of the television set, and let her stare at him as he ate his sandwich. He was wondering whether he should just leave her somewhere at the firehouse where he knew she would be found, or hand her directly to Conchita. He didn't contemplate giving the doll to Rose. He liked what he knew of the younger sister well enough, but there was something about Conchita that just invited giving. The doll herself, Oz had been forced to conclude, was no longer of any use to him anyway. She had told him everything she knew about her previous owner.

After much deliberation, Oz decided that he would go to the firehouse at after-school time and give the doll to Conchita if she was there, which after all she might not be, in which case he would just put the doll down somewhere. This plan meant that he had a couple of hours to kill, so he went to his book bag and began to consider what he wanted to read next. He owned damn near every book in existence, but had no space to store them, which was why he had made himself that handy bottomless bag. He quickly made up his mind that he would like something fairly light this time, and as he pulled a Roald Dahl out of his bag it occurred to him to wonder how Egon was getting on with _Matilda_.

He read _The Witches_ from cover to cover, and then wondered if Conchita and Rose would like to borrow it as he made his way to the firehouse in a taxi. On his last visit he hadn't been able to reacquaint himself with Janine Spengler, with her being absent, but this time she was at the reception desk with a pen in her hand and the resident ghost Slimer hovering around her, seemingly trying to be helpful.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Melnitz Spengler," Oz smiled pleasantly.

"Oh, it's you," said Janine, clearly surprised.

"And how are you this afternoon?"

"All right. Why did you lend Egon _Matilda_?"

"I thought he might find it interesting," said Oz. "Is he enjoying it?"

"Well, he's at home reading it to our children as we speak," said Janine. "_They_ seem to be enjoying it, anyway."

"I'm glad," said Oz. "Janine, are either of the Misses Rivera here?"

"Upstairs," said Janine.

"Thank you."

Roland's Mustang was parked in the foyer, so he must have been around somewhere; and, Oz knew, so must one or two other Ghostbusters. But the only one in the rec room was Peter Venkman, whom Oz had seen only once, very briefly. He was sitting with a laptop, with an e-mail window open on the screen, while a dark-haired young man sat on the sofa reading aloud from _Eight Cousins_ with Conchita and Rose on either side of him.

Whoever he was, this man had an uncommonly beautiful face and a voice to match. It was soft, calm and soothing; he read aloud with all the skill of an actor. However his tone began to waver slightly when he got to, " 'Well, now, there is one very excellent, necessary, and womanly accomplishment that no girl should be without, for it is a help to rich and poor, and the comfort of families depends upon it. This fine talent is neglected nowadays, and considered old-fashioned, which is a sad mistake, and one that I don't mean to make in bringing up my girl. It should be a part of every girl's education' - oh God, I'm sorry, I can't go on. I'll get into trouble with your mother."

"Why?" asked Conchita.

"Well he's talking about housekeeping."

"So what? Keep reading. Oh, hi!" Suddenly, Conchita spotted Oz. "Look, we've read almost all of this book now. This is Oscar," she added.

"Who are you?" asked Peter, looking up.

"We've met, Dr. Venkman," said Oz. "I alerted you to some zombies in a graveyard a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh yeah," said Peter. "Oz, wasn't it?"

"That's right. A pleasure to meet you, Oscar. Now then, Conchita," and he began addressing Conchita in rapid Spanish that made Rose narrow her eyes suspiciously.

Whatever he said made Conchita follow him into the kitchen. Oscar and Peter stared after them, and then the former turned to Rose and asked, "What did he say?"

"He wants to talk to her," said Rose.

"What's he _doing_ here?" asked Peter.

As he said this Jessica wandered in, having just missed Oz's arrival in order to go to the bathroom.

"What's who doing here?" she asked.

"Oz," Peter, Rose and Oscar all said in unison.

"Oz is here?" asked Jessica, just as the man himself reappeared from the adjacent room. He was followed by Conchita, who was looking perplexed and carrying the old doll in her right hand. "Oh, Oz, hi. Listen, I read - "

She was cut off as Oz cleared the distance between them in two steps and clamped his hand over her mouth. Peter and Oscar both stared in utter amazement, not least because Jessica wasn't objecting. She was simply too taken aback.

"Remember your promise to me, Jessica," he said. "How's Friday night for you?"

Jessica said something inaudible. Oz took his hand away, and looked invitingly at her.

"I might not want to talk about it."

"But you do."

"Yeah, well…"

While they talked, Rose spotted the doll in her sister's hand and snatched it away from her, staring at the object in utter disbelief.

"How far have you got with it?" asked Oz.

"About halfway," said Jessica.

"Already? I'm impressed. You will have finished it by Friday, then?"

"Probably."

"We can go anywhere you want. I'll pick you up in a cab."

"What the hell is this?" demanded Peter.

"Dad, please, not now," said Jessica. "Look, Oz, just let me finish the book and then I'll let you know, ok?"

"Ah, my poor hopes. All right then. Are you enjoying it, Jessica? Yes or no will do."

"Yes."

"I'm so glad," said Oz. "Well, I'd better be leaving. But before I do, may I use the bathroom?"

"I'll show you where it is," said Oscar, getting to his feet, and he escorted Oz from the room.

"Chita," said Peter. "What did he want with you in the kitchen?"

"He found our doll," Conchita said numbly.

"Is that one of the ones I gave you?" asked Jessica, as she looked at the object in Rose's tight little fist.

"I recognise her - it was a present from Kate," said Peter.

"Where did he _find_ her?" demanded Rose. "Beth had it!"

"You must have brought her here, Ro," said Jessica.

"We didn't," the little girl said adamantly, and Jessica fell silent. Rose Rivera in a bad mood was too much even for the girl who would willingly take on Janine.

"Where did Oz say he found her?" asked Peter.

"He _didn__'__t_ say," said Conchita.

"Didn't you ask?"

"Yes. He said he'd rather not say."

"Why does it matter?" asked Jessica. "It's just some stupid doll."

After a minute or so, Oscar returned with a look of utter incredulity on his face, asking, "When is Cameron coming back?" He was referring to his sister's ex-boyfriend.

"I don't know," said Jessica.

"Jess, listen, you do _not_ wanna go out with that guy."

"What? Look, I know he's a little weird, but - "

"He has no soul."

Jessica, Peter, Conchita and Rose all stared blankly at him. Jessica knew she should have said something cutting, but just for once she couldn't think of anything.

"He doesn't like music," Oscar elaborated.

"What do you mean?" asked Jessica.

"I mean he _doesn__'__t like music_. I asked him what kind of music he was into, and do you know what he said? _Do you know_?"

"Astonishingly, no," Jessica said dryly.

"He said, 'I'm not really into music.' I said that was ridiculous, everybody likes _some_ kind of music, and I went through absolutely everything. 'Classical?' 'No.' 'Jazz?' 'No.' 'R and B?' 'No.' 'Country and western?' 'No.'" He was making bizarre hand gestures as he talked, his right hand apparently representing himself and his left Oz. "Rock and roll, hip hop, punk, I mean, God, I went through _everything_. I even asked him if he liked that horrible electronic pseudo-music travesty, but there is absolutely _nothing_! He doesn't even _not_ like music - it leaves him completely cold."

"I think you're overreacting," said Jessica.

"I am not. He's _abnormal_. Jessica, let me tell you something."

"Oh God."

"There is only one thing in this world that absolutely every human being likes, and that's music in one form or another. _Everybody_ enjoys at least _some_ kind of music. Except him. Not one single song. Not even a four-beat bar."

"Yeah, ok, that's really weird," said Jessica. "But it doesn't mean he has no soul."

"How old is he?" asked Peter.

"I don't know."

"Does he know how old _you_ are?"

"No."

Oscar winced. "That doesn't sound good. Oh, hi, there you are," as Kylie walked in.

"Oscar, hi, sorry, I forgot you were coming today," Kylie said distractedly.

"You _are_ worried," Conchita said accusingly, seemingly picking up an earlier conversation where they had left it.

"Yeah, well, maybe a little," said Kylie, staring at the doll in Rose's hand. "Where did you get that?"

"Oz found it," said Conchita.

"What?"

"When is he coming back?" Conchita went on.

"What? Oh, you mean… Honey, I don't know."

"What did Beth say when you called?"

"Um…"

"What did she say?"

"Chita, baby, don't worry about it," said Kylie. "Listen, I thought I might… go out and have a look for him."

"So he's missing," said Conchita.

"Is Eduardo missing?" Oscar asked anxiously.

"He's sick!" wailed Conchita. "He might have died at the doctor's!"

"Oh honey, no he hasn't," Kylie said hastily.

"I'm going with you," Conchita pressed.

"Me too," said Rose.

"You don't have to," said Kylie. "Please just, just stay here. I'll find him."

"Let me drive you," said Oscar. "Um… Dad, can I borrow the car?"

"_I__'__ll_ drive you," said Peter.

"That'll only leave one Ghostbuster here," said Jessica, meaning Roland, who was at that moment making himself very cold by having a secret telephone conversation on the roof.

"Come on, Dad, I won't crash it," said Oscar.

"You better not," muttered Rose, looking anxiously at her mother.

"All right, fine, here," said Peter, rummaging in his pocket for his car keys.

"Thank you, Oscar," said Kylie, as they both began to make their way downstairs.

"What _did_ Beth say when you called her?" Oscar asked quietly.

"She said she put him in a cab and thought he'd come here."

"Oh… And you called home?"

"Of course I did!"

"Yeah, right, of course you did, I'm sorry. All right, get in," for they had reached the car now. "And tell me all the places he might be."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

While she was away from New York, Celine had had a few jobs that she didn't think were half bad. She had a college education, after all, although she didn't need it for the types of jobs she aspired to do. She had been happiest of all selling CDs and DVDs for an independent retailer when she was staying in New Jersey.

But then the call had come from Wanda informing her of their friend's death. Celine had rushed back to New York, decided to stay when she and Wanda ended up in bed, quit her job and now had got back to waitressing again. It wasn't ideal. She wasn't even working at a particularly nice place - just a coffee shop not dissimilar to the one in which she, Wanda and Bess had worked their way through college. But at least the management were lenient about her leaving her cell phone on while she worked. She occasionally did it by accident, but this time she had done it deliberately. When it rang, she abandoned her customers and went out to the bins behind the kitchen.

"Hi, Celine, it's Roland," the caller said sheepishly.

"Roland, hi." Celine smiled for the first time that day. "I was hoping you'd call."

"Yeah, well… I was just wondering how you were. I feel bad about leaving you so upset yesterday - you seemed really down."

"Is that the only reason you called?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you," said Celine.

"Did you talk to your boyfriend?" asked Roland.

"Yeah, I did. We're ok, but… I really don't know how long it'll last. Roland, come on - I _really_ want you to at least go out with me once. It could be really good. And I don't believe you would have called me if you weren't thinking about it."

There was silence.

"Roland, talk to me."

"All right, so I've thought about it. But I don't think we should. You're obviously in a bad place - I'd feel like I was taking advantage of you. And I can't cheat on Grace."

"I'm not _asking_ you to cheat on her," Celine said irritably. "You've only been seeing her five months. Have you even slept with her yet?"

"That's none of your business," Roland said awkwardly.

"She's holding out on you, isn't she? I wouldn't do that."

"Celine…"

"You're such a sweet guy, Roland. I'll bet you're a considerate lover, aren't you?"

"Stop."

"I'm sorry, I can't help wanting you - you're just what I need," Celine sighed wistfully. "You're the whole package, aren't you? You're smart and kind and considerate, and when we kissed yesterday… But you're right, though, I don't deserve you."

"What? No!" Roland said hastily. "I never said that."

"No?" Celine said, aware that she had to be careful not to overplay this particular hand, though it was working well for the moment. "You really think I'm good enough?"

"Of course you are."

"Well then why not - "

"Celine!" It was Wanda's voice. Celine turned round, and there she was.

"Shit, sorry, I gotta go," and she hung up.

"Who was that?"

"No - "

"I've just seen him," said Wanda.

"Who?" asked Celine.

"Fuck face."

"Eduardo?"

"Yes."

"And…?"

"He was coming out of an independent bookstore," said Wanda. "And he wasn't blind."

"Oh, are you sure?" Celine asked disappointedly. "Not even a little bit?"

"He looked like he was in pain, but he could see perfectly fine."

"Oh."

"Babe, don't worry about it," said Wanda, putting her hands on Celine's elbows. "We'll just have to try something else. Any ideas what it should be next?"

"I'll have to think about that while I'm working," said Celine, passing Wanda and making her way back into the coffee house kitchen. "Why aren't _you_ working, anyway?"

"I'm on a coffee break." She followed Celine through the kitchen and into the main body of the café.

"Oh. Would you like some coffee?"

"Nah - I've just got time to run to the occult bookstore. I'll see you later."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"I _knew_ he wasn't here," Kylie said agitatedly, as she returned from her own bedroom.

"Well it was worth looking." Oscar was crouching near to the floor by the front doorway, stroking Pagan's ears as the cat pushed his face affectionately against his knees. "Maybe you should call Beth again before we try anywhere - oh, there you are."

Quite suddenly, Eduardo walked in carrying two brown paper bags. He looked down at Oscar in mild surprise, and then said, "What are you doing here, Ky?"

"Looking for you," she snapped.

"What? Why?"

"Where have you been?"

"Jesus, Kylie, you're not my mother," said Eduardo.

"Your daughters are worried sick about you," said Kylie. "You should have called. Tell me what you've been doing - you've been gone _all day_."

"I went to pick up a prescription," Eduardo said irritably. "Then I had coffee with Beth, and then I went for a walk in the park because I thought it might help my headache."

"What _headache_?"

"Well I've… it's just, it's nothing."

"Did you tell the doctor about that?"

"No. He couldn't have done anything - it was easier just to go and buy some weed."

"_What_?"

He waved one of his paper bags at her. "You want some?"

"How can you afford _that_?" demanded Kylie.

Eduardo turned round and said, "What about you, Oscar? You want some drugs?"

"Actually I think I'll wait outside," said Oscar, backing out of the doorway.

"What did you bring him for anyway?" asked Eduardo.

"He drove me," said Kylie. "Do you smoke a lot of marijuana?"

"You know I don't." He was already rolling a joint. "It's purely medicinal. My grandmother used to smoke this for her back."

"Oh she did not!"

"She did, I swear to you. I bought it for her and we used to smoke it together in my room. Carlos caught us once - it wasn't pretty."

"Tell me about this headache," said Kylie.

"It's no big deal," said Eduardo, who was doing his best to ignore the throbbing pain behind his eyes.

"What did the doctor prescribe?"

"Some kind of ointment. I'm not sure I should use it, though - he _said_ he couldn't be sure exactly what it was."

"I wish you'd tell Egon about all of this."

"Ah, Kylie - Egon again? Why Egon?"

"Because he's about seven types of doctor. There's something really weird happening to you, and he'll save you having to go to hundreds of different specialists to find out what."

Eduardo didn't say anything. He just lit up his joint and took a very long drag on it. The relief it brought him was obvious in the way that he relaxed his face and body.

"I'm going back to work for an hour," said Kylie. Then, with an edge of challenge in her voice, "I'll tell him."

Eduardo stiffened. "Don't you dare!"

"What's the big deal?"

"It's nothing to do with Egon!"

"That's not what I asked. If it's really 'nothing', then why all this fuss about telling him? You're doing what you did before with me - you refuse to tell him because you know he's going to tell you it's something serious, and you'll have to stop pretending!"

They were gradually raising their voices as they argued, and by the time Kylie stormed out of the apartment Oscar had moved a good hundred yards down the hall in an effort not to overhear. When Kylie joined him, he smiled and said bracingly, "Ready to go?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next day was Tuesday, meaning that Roland had had a late night after his regular Monday date with Grace. He always made it to work on time, though, and on this particular morning he found that only Garrett had arrived before him.

"Oh, hi, _you__'__re_ here," said Roland.

"Mmm - I don't seem to have been around much, do I?" said Garrett.

"Well you _do_ have two jobs."

"Yeah, I know. I worked so hard at my physio training, sometimes I think I should give up Ghostbusting altogether. And then I think, nah, that's stupid."

"But it's so _stressful_," Roland said with feeling, as he collapsed into an armchair.

"Clearly," said Garrett. "I think I missed some stuff yesterday, didn't I? Come on, Ro, you can tell me - what's going on with you?"

Roland considered for a moment, and then decided that he would like to get some of his problems off his chest, so he said, "If I tell you, will you treat what I say as confidential?"

"Roland, of course I will," said Garrett, looking suddenly very eager. "What is it?"

"Well, you remember Celine?"

"'Course. We only saw her a couple of weeks ago."

"Yeah, I know. I think that was when she decided that she… sort of… _liked_ me."

"What do you mean?" asked Garrett. "Are you saying Celine _likes _you likes you?"

"Yes," Roland said numbly.

"Wow. So Bess went out with Eddie and now Celine has the hots for _you_ - I wonder if Wanda has a crush on me. But anyway - why is that a problem, as such? You don't like her like her back, do you?"

"Well…"

"Oh, Roland!" exclaimed Garrett, with suppressed laughter in his voice. "That's hysterical. What about Grace? You went out with her last night, didn't you?"

"Yes," said Roland.

"How was it?"

"It was great."

"You always say that," said Garrett. "You're really into Grace, Ro, I can tell. I don't believe that you'd rather be with Celine."

"Well, I might," said Roland, not sounding convinced. "I know Grace so well now, but I don't really know Celine."

"But you'd like to _get_ to know her?"

"Well… maybe."

"Why?" asked Garrett. "No, come on, don't look like that - I'm trying to help you here. You've told me why you like Grace. It's because she's smart and compassionate and fun and you have so much in common. But why on _earth _would you like Celine?"

"Don't sound like that," said Roland. "She's ok."

"Ok as in, you like her body? I mean, I don't see it myself, but - "

"It's not just that."

"Well I wonder," said Garrett. "Don't get mad, but just think about this. You've been seeing Grace, and you like her a lot - maybe even love her - but she's not ready for a physical relationship yet. Basically, my friend, you want sex and you're not getting any. And then suddenly there's Celine, bulging out of that tight little tank top of hers and saying she wants to be your girl."

"No, that's not it," said Roland. "I'm… I'm _worried_ about her. She's really unhappy."

"Yeah, well, her friend died."

"She's been having relationship trouble on top of that. She says I'm better than this other guy and I'm what she needs to be happy."

"Well then it's a combination of the two," said Garrett. "You want her body, _and_ you feel guilty that you have the capacity to stop another human being from being miserable and you're not doing it. _Maybe_. I mean, I don't know, only you know how you feel."

"I _feel_ like I'm cheating on Grace," said Roland, just as Kylie walked in looking more tired and miserable than he had ever seen her. "Kylie, are you ok?"

"Don't worry about it," she replied wearily.

"Where's Eddie?" asked Garrett. "I was expecting to see him today."

"He's sick," Kylie said shortly.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Beth was ironing her son's jeans when the knock came at the door. Glad of the distraction, she went to answer it.

"Hi," she said, surprised to see Eduardo again so soon. Then she noticed the holdall on his shoulder, and just stared at it.

"If it's a problem I'll go to my mom's," he said dully.

"Wha- no, of course it's not, come in," said Beth, stepping aside to let him pass.

"Thank you," said Eduardo. "I don't really want to go to her - she's so far away."

"Well… yes, exactly."

"And she'd only ask questions."

Beth raised her eyebrows. "You mean like I'm about to?"

"It's just temporary," said Eduardo.

"Until…?"

"I don't know."

"I don't think Kylie would kick you out when you're sick."

"It's not like that," said Eduardo. "It's just… well, Ky decided she wanted to sleep on the couch last night, and the night before _I _decided to sleep on the couch, so obviously things aren't really that great at the moment and we both think we could do with some… you know… _time apart_. I mean, living together and working together and everything…"

"Well you've been doing _that_ for seven years," said Beth. "I know there's more to it, but I won't push. Conchita and Rose know about this, do they?"

Eduardo nodded. "They don't like it."

"Well of course not."

"I'm missing them already," and he looked like he might be about to cry.

"You'll still see them," Beth said quickly. "I've got them after school today, haven't I?"

"Yeah. But then Kylie's gonna come and take them away."

"You could go with them."

Eduardo only shook his head.

"Eduardo," said Beth. "Do you smell of marijuana?"

"Probably."

"Is it really that bad?"

"I'm not doing it because of that."

"Then why? Is it for this, this whatever it is you've got?"

He nodded. "It helps."

"Yeah, well, if you're taking it for physical pain that actually doesn't seem as bad as taking it for emotional pain - not as it's something your grandmother used to do. But listen, if Carl finds out about it I was totally ignorant, all right?"

"Of course," said Eduardo. "He's not gonna want me staying here."

"Why not?"

"Because he doesn't like me. He never liked having me here before."

"He let you stay, though," said Beth.

"I had nowhere else to go - I _lived_ here. I didn't have an apartment with a whole family in it. I'm not asking you to do anything about it, Beth, I'm just saying he won't like it."

"You're being much more negative than usual - it's like when you were a teenager. Will you stay in your old room?"

"'Course," said Eduardo. "I'll be less in the way. Can I go and dump my stuff up there?"

"Of course you can," said Beth. "And then are you going to come back down and have another coffee and talk to me?"

Eduardo shook his head. "Sorry, Beth, I'm kinda tired - I'd rather just sleep."

Beth cocked an eyebrow. "And smoke some pot?"

"I don't know. When is Carlos getting home?"

"Not until this evening."

"Then I'll have some when I wake up."

"Yes, well, I'd rather not know _too_ much about that," said Beth. "Come back at lunchtime and I'll give you some beef casserole."

"I won't be hungry."

"Well you might - "

"I really appreciate you letting me stay."

He gave her a weak smile, then turned and headed back to the front door.

_To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

_Extreme Ghostbusters:_** Desire**

Part 2

After just one night, Kylie found that she was missing Eduardo with all of her body and soul. But their daughters, if it was possible, were missing him more. They saw their father briefly on Tuesday afternoon, and then spent the evening either sulking (Rose) or bursting into tears (Conchita).

Kylie sympathised completely. Her parents had gone through plenty of rocky patches when she was a child. Of course, that had all ended in a divorce when Kylie was about Conchita's age, but she refused to believe that the same thing would happen to her and Eduardo. She didn't love him any less, so as long as _he_ still loved _her_, they were fine.

The first night Eduardo was away, Kylie took her daughters into bed with her and read _Eight Cousins_ to them for nearly an hour. Then, having finished the book, she wondered how to find its owner and return it to him. She was determined not to keep it; she simply wasn't prepared to accept gifts from a clearly eccentric youth who had some kind of strange obsession with her boss's daughter.

The only thing to do, Kylie realised, was to leave the book at the firehouse and give it to Oz the next time he and she both happened to be there. She took the book with her when she dropped Conchita and Rose off at school the following morning. She then took it along to the firehouse, and happened to pass Roland in the foyer as he was saying furtively to his cell phone, "Listen, I'll buy you dinner on Friday night and we'll get you sorted out once and for all, ok?"

With Janine probably still on her own school run, there was no one at reception. Kylie picked up the phone and dialled the number of Carl and Beth's house. She had hoped to speak to Beth, knowing that their son Kevin would almost certainly still be asleep - but, darn the luck, she got Carl.

"How's Eduardo?" she asked.

"He's miserable," said Carl. "What the hell happened, anyway?"

"I'm not sure," Kylie said numbly.

"Why don't you call him and tell him to go home?"

"Yeah, maybe I will."

"Or you could come over here and try to knock some sense into him. Beth tried taking him something to eat last night _and_ this morning - he wouldn't let her in."

"What? Why not?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"Well I'll try calling him," said Kylie. "Um… thanks."

She hung up, picked the receiver straight up again and dialled the apartment above Carl's garage. She thought Eduardo probably wouldn't answer, but astonishingly he did.

"Hello?"

"You sound terrible."

"Kylie!"

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Not that bad," said Eduardo, the sound of barbed wire in his throat undermining the words completely. "What about you?"

"I'm all right," she lied.

"Good. How are the girls?"

"They're going out of their minds."

"Oh," Eduardo said dully. "Are they… coming here after school?"

"They could do," said Kylie. "Do you want to see them?"

"Um…"

"Don't say you _don__'__t_ want to see them!"

"Of course I want to see them," Eduardo said desperately. "Last night I missed them so much it hurt - I've been going crazy here."

"So what's the problem?" asked Kylie.

"It's just… they probably don't wanna see me at the moment."

"Well of course they do!"

"They wouldn't if they saw me."

"What do you mean?"

"I'd better go."

"Eduar- !"

He had already hung up. Kylie stared at the dead phone in her hand in utter disbelief, barely noticing when Janine turned up.

"Who was that?" asked Janine.

"Eduardo's moved out."

"_What_?"

"What the hell am I gonna do, Janine?"

Before she could answer, Roland sloped into view looking extremely guilty.

"What's up with _you_?" asked Janine.

"Nothing," said Roland. Then he turned round as he heard someone else arriving, and said pleasantly, "Hi, Garrett."

Janine and Kylie joined in: "Hi, Garrett." "Hi, Garrett."

Garrett smiled comically at them. "Hey."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The day didn't pick up for Kylie at all. When she was on her way to collect Rose from preschool at lunchtime, it occurred to her that there was almost no food in their apartment, so she decided to waive her responsibilities at work for an hour and go grocery shopping. At that moment she still cared about nourishing her daughters, and that was about all. Ghostbusting was very low on her list of priorities.

"When is Daddy coming home?" asked Rose, frowning up at her mother from the child seat in the trolley.

"I don't know, sweetie."

"_Is_ he coming home?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Honey, I _don__'__t know_."

Then Wanda appeared. Kylie just stared at her for a moment, extremely surprised, before telling herself that there was no reason why Wanda shouldn't be out grocery shopping.

"Hi," Kylie said.

Wanda didn't answer. She was staring at Rose with such hatred in her eyes that Kylie was tempted to confront her about it. But then Wanda caught her looking, changed her expression and said sweetly, "Hello, sweetheart. And what's _your_ name?"

"_No habla inglés_," said Rose.

Wanda raised her eyes to Kylie's face. "Charming."

"Sorry," said Kylie, feeling sufficiently sorry for Wanda after Bess's death to forgive the way she had looked at her daughter. "She's just a bit upset at the moment."

"And her name is…?"

"Rose."

"Ah." Wanda's eyes narrowed on the little girl. "Sweet."

Rose mumbled something in Spanish.

"She's picked up a few bad habits from her father, then," said Wanda.

"I don't think," Kylie said levelly, "she likes the way you're looking at her."

Wanda looked genuinely surprised. "How am I looking at her?"

"Well," said Kylie, "not very nicely, to be honest with you."

Wanda was silent for a moment. Then she let out a long sigh, and said, "I'm sorry. I just can't helping thinking about… y'know…"

"About what?"

"Well… she might have had a half-brother or -sister, mightn't she?"

Kylie looked at her feet. "Oh."

"And then how different things would be."

"I know," said Kylie. "I'm… _sorry_. Um, about… that."

"Why are _you_ sorry? It's not _your_ fault."

"Yeah, well… I wish you'd stop blaming him."

Wanda scowled. "But it's his _fault_."

"It is not his - oh God, look, let's not do this now. I'm… sorry, ok?"

"Don't worry about it." She glanced again at Rose. "She's a beautiful girl. She takes after you that way."

"She looks more like Eduardo," said Kylie, only afterwards thinking that just possibly she shouldn't have said that, bearing in mind Wanda's feelings about the Girls Who Lived.

"Oh, I don't know," said Wanda. "How is he these days, anyway?"

Kylie raised her eyebrows. "Do you care?"

"Not particularly. Well, it was nice seeing you."

As Wanda walked away, Kylie remembered that woman's fondness for revenge and felt slightly ill at ease. She didn't think about it for long, though. Rose distracted her by saying, "I don't like her."

"That was no reason to be rude to her, Rose," said Kylie.

"She was rude to _us_."

"Yeah, well…"

She began making her way towards the meat and poultry aisle, and the conversation turned to the sensitive topic of when Rose would see her father again. Kylie felt about ready to burst into tears by the time she returned to the firehouse, at which time Rose demanded to know why she hadn't been taken to Beth. Kylie had to suppress her misery in order to take her child's mind off things, finally understanding how her own father must have felt all those years ago. Then, before very long, it was time to go and collect Conchita. Kylie thanked her stars that the phones were quiet that day.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

With Kylie and Roland so distracted, Peter using a company phone to talk to an important person in Los Angeles and Eduardo apparently having disappeared off the face of the earth, it was Oscar who spent the afternoon helping Janine with a backlog of paperwork. He had gone to the firehouse looking for a break from the life of an aspiring rock star, and was actually glad to be doing such a mundane task as filing.

Oz showed up. Oscar dropped what he was doing and said, "What do you want now?"

"An answer to my invitation to your sister," Oz said coolly.

"Did you know she's only fourteen?"

Oz looked surprised. "Good heavens, is she really?"

"Yes."

"Well, you needn't worry."

"Really?" said Oscar. "Why is that?"

"I only want to talk to her."

"I'm afraid I find that hard to believe."

"So do I," Janine cut in. "You wanna be careful taking out underage girls, kid."

"Please don't perturb yourselves," said Oz, just as Jessica wandered in. "Ah, Jessica, the very person I came to see. Have you made much progress with the book?"

"I haven't had much time," said Jessica. "School," and she indicated the book bag on her shoulder. "But I've read what I can, and I'm afraid I _do_ want to talk about it."

Oz smiled. "What splendid news."

"Is that the only reason you want to go out with him?" asked Oscar. "_I _can talk to you about a book, Jess."

Jessica stared at him for a few seconds. Then she said, "You haven't read it."

"Well lend it to me - I will."

She scoffed. "Yeah, right - _you__'__ll_ read a lengthy and intellectual novel."

"What _do_ you like to read, Oscar?" Oz asked interestedly.

"Not a lot," said Oscar. "Music magazines, music journals and biographical stuff about musicians."

"You were reading aloud quite superbly the other day. Didn't you enjoy that?"

"Well, no, not really. I'm used to reading to little girls - I always did it for Jess when she was sick - but I'm really not into stories."

"Oh, Oscar - you are missing out."

"Yeah, well, at least I read _something_."

"How true," said Oz. "You're probably right, Oscar. There probably _is_ a piece of music out there for me - it's just that I've yet to find it. May I lend you a book?"

"No."

Kylie arrived next, with a little girl hanging onto each hand, and caught sight of Oz.

"Oz, fantastic," she said. "Wait there - I'll get you your book."

"I trust you enjoyed it," said Oz, looking at Conchita and Rose.

"It was really good," the former said dejectedly.

"She wouldn't lie - she's upset about something else," said Janine, catching Oz's look of confusion.

"So anyway, Miss Venkman." Oz turned back to Jessica. "Friday night?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," said Jessica. "I have to go and do my homework."

"Ah, homework - now that's something I don't miss."

"Yeah, me neither," said Oscar.

Jessica left, and Kylie came back - with _Eight Cousins_ and without two daughters.

"You can keep it," said Oz, as she held it out to him, "if you like."

"I _don__'__t_ like," said Kylie.

"As you wish," Oz said amicably, accepting the return of his property. "Next time I'm here I'll bring you the sequel."

"There's a sequel?"

"Alcott was fond of sequels. _Little Women _actually has three, not two; it was originally published in two volumes. Did you know that? In the UK it still is. The second half is called _Good Wives _over there, even though Alcott never approved that - and I don't think it's a very good title for a feminist novel, do you? Say what you like about the messages in Alcott's work; she was writing in the eighteen sixties and she _was_ ahead of her time. Now that reminds me - I must go and try again to arrange my date. Do excuse me."

He headed for the stairs, following Jessica, with three pairs of eyes on his retreating form.

"That guy is an absolute fucking lunatic!" exclaimed Oscar. "Um… sorry. Oh, hey, Kylie - how, um, how _are_ you?"

Kylie looked at him. "Well, not great."

"Oh yeah - you never finished telling me," said Janine.

Kylie shook her head. "No, look, please don't worry about it - it's fine."

"But," said Janine, "he's - "

"That's just temporary."

Kylie didn't like where the conversation was going, and was both surprised and relieved when her saviour turned out to be the unmistakable cry of a baby. They all turned round, and saw Roland's younger sister Amy advancing towards them with a pram.

Oscar cocked an eyebrow and said, "Is there something you want to tell me, AJ?"

"Gosh, Oscar, I wish I was as funny as you," she said.

"Hi." Smiling, he walked towards her, put his hands on her arms and stooped to kiss her on the cheek. "How are you?"

"Kinda busy right now," said Amy. She was carrying a large bag on her shoulder which she dumped on the floor, and then began rummaging around in it. "This is my niece Dawn. Dawn, this is Oscar, my ex-boyfriend."

"The pleasure's all mine," said Oscar, looking down at the screaming baby. Then, as Amy pulled a bottle of milk out of the bag, "Would you like me to heat that up for you?"

"Thanks," said Amy, "but she has it cold."

"Really?" said Oscar.

"That," said Amy, "is the mildest reaction anyone's had to the cold milk thing. These two couldn't believe it - could you?" and she looked towards Kylie and Janine.

"Warming the milk is the only thing about childrearing never ever to have changed since the dawn of time," said Janine. "It's, like, the most _basic_ thing."

"Can I?" asked Oscar, as Amy stooped to lift Dawn out of the pram.

She just stared at him for a moment. Then she said, "Of course you can," and stepped back. "My mother nearly fainted when Tara told her not to warm the bottle. That's why I brought her here. Tara thinks Mom secretly warms up the milk, and she made me promise to take her away for her afternoon feed."

"Well," said Oscar, as he lifted the screaming baby into his arms, "why should she care if it's cold? These guys," he cocked his head towards Janine and Kylie, "both breast-fed - but Tara doesn't, does she? So _you_ don't know any better, Dawn, do you?" Amy handed him the bottle, and Dawn latched onto it straightaway. "There, that's better, isn't it?"

"She's never had a boob in her life," said Amy.

"So does your mom look after her at the moment?" asked Kylie, who was very interested to know how a woman brought up a child pretty much all by herself.

Amy nodded. "Just until Tara goes back to work full-time in a few months."

Kylie's jaw dropped. "She's going back to work _full-time_?"

"She doesn't have much choice," said Amy, "as she won't let anybody help her."

"I don't know how she can bear to be away from her. I'm sorry, AJ, I don't want you to think I'm judging your sister or anything - but I just think it's _such_ a strange decision to make, not even _wanting_ to know who the father of your child is."

"_I_ don't know how she can sleep with three guys on the trot," said Amy.

"I guess she doesn't mind being on her own," said Kylie, "does she?"

Amy shook her head. "She prefers it that way."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Wanda, look at this," said Celine, waving a large knife around as Wanda dumped her grocery bags on the kitchen surface. "I was making myself a sandwich, and the only knife I could find was this crappy little butter knife - so I thought, well, it's better than nothing - and then when I tried to cut the sandwich it actually _turned into_ the kind of knife you cut sandwiches with! So then I thought I'd try it on the corner of that big steak he's got in the fridge, and it turned into _this_! How cool is that? Why can I not bewitch my knives like that? What took you so long, anyway? You were ages."

"I've got news on Eduardo," said Wanda.

"Oh!" Celine put down the knife. "Tell me."

"Well, I met Kylie and one of the brats in the supermarket - the tiny one who looks like she's been under a shrink ray, y'know? Oz was right, she's a really pretty girl. She's a total bitch, though. If she carries on like that I could get to like her one day, but it's an unattractive quality in a child, isn't it? Anyway, I got talking to Kylie, and I brought up Eduardo a couple of times, but she wouldn't talk about him - so then I thought, well, why not go and see that Beth person?"

"Who?"

"Eduardo's sister-in-law - the woman who was so nice to me while I was in her house stealing that doll for Oz. She was happy enough to talk to me the last time I saw her, so I went back to the house, and I was about to go and knock when Beth came out and she went - do you remember Bess told us about how he lived above the garage, and he used to make her have sex with him up there?"

"I don't think he made her," said Celine.

"Yeah, well," said Wanda, "whatever. The point is, that's where Beth went. She had a brown grocery bag with her, and she went up to this room above the garage and knocked and it was definitely him in there because she used his name."

"What did she say?"

"She said, 'Eduardo, open up - I've brought you some sandwiches. I'm not asking you to tell me anything, but you _have_ to eat something.'"

"Ooh, that sounds promising," said Celine. "What did _he_ say?"

"I don't know," said Wanda, "but he didn't let her in - he didn't even open the door a crack - so I can only assume last night's attempt was successful."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Garrett was on the couch with a pile of paperwork he wasn't actually doing, quietly taking everything in. Peter had spent most of the day calling people in LA, but he stopped that when Jessica came in pursued by Oz, and they proceeded to arrange their Friday night reading group meeting. Amy then appeared just as Oz was leaving, and had just handed Dawn over to Roland when Oscar materialised and suggested to his ex-girlfriend that she might like to spend her Friday night with him.

"I don't know what you think I'm going to _do_ to you," he said, when she declined.

"There's just no _reason_ for us to go out," said Amy. "We broke up at New Year - I don't know if you remember."

"How could I forget? I only want to catch up."

"But we just did."

"We didn't. I fed Dawn, and we talked about her and Tara with Janine and Kylie."

"Then we'll catch up now," said Amy.

"No, sorry, not good enough," said Oscar. "You and Roland are taking Dawn to Tara in a minute, aren't you?"

"There's time to catch up."

"Amy, you dumped me for whatever it is you've been doing for the past eleven months - I want details."

Amy cocked an eyebrow. "And that's all, is it?"

"AJ, you know how everyone says people can't be friends after they split up?"

"Yeah."

"It's not true."

"Cameron and I are still friends," Jessica chimed in from the corner where she was doing her homework.

"I've got exes I'm still friends with," added Garrett.

"See?" said Oscar. "And I told you Tim and Ella used to go out, didn't I?" He was referring to half of Mood Slime, the rock band he fronted.

"Wasn't that for about two weeks when they were thirteen?"

"They were fourteen. AJ, come on - I won't try anything, I promise."

"Oh, all right, fine," she relented.

"Cool." Oscar flashed her a you-can-trust-me smile. "I'll pick you up at eight."

"Better make it six."

"_Six_?"

"Well it's not a date - why _not_ six?"

"Why not indeed," Oscar said dully.

After that, nothing noteworthy was said in the twenty minutes before the three Jacksons all went off together. As they were getting ready to go, Roland found Kylie and her daughters and insisted on giving them a lift home.

Once they had gone, Peter looked at Oscar and said, "There was something very familiar about all that."

"All what?" asked Oscar.

"All that let's-go-out-again-I-won't-hit-on-you stuff."

"Ah, Dad." Oscar rolled his eyes. "Don't start."

"Don't start what?"

"She's not interested."

Peter made a sound somewhere between a scoff and a snort.

"What was that noise?" Oscar asked suspiciously. "Can I take it I'm about to hear a few snippets of wisdom from _The Peter Venkman Guide to Understanding Women_?"

"Oscar," said Peter, "I have never claimed to be able to understand women. But I _am_ familiar with the old don't-do-that scenario."

"Mmm, I'll bet you are."

"Do you wanna hear this or not?"

"All right, fine, go on," said Oscar, with obvious trepidation.

"Don't listen to him, Oscar," was Jessica's advice.

"She wouldn't have agreed to go out with you if she really believed you weren't going to 'try anything'," said Peter. "She wants you back, but she dumped you, so now she's trying to save face by making it look like you seduced her into changing her mind."

"So basically," Garrett jumped in, "she says no but she means yes."

"Why don't you just rape her while you're at it?" said Jessica.

"Isn't it true, J?" asked Oscar.

"Hell no."

"Oh yeah?" said Garrett. "What about you and Oz? 'I'm not going out with you… No, no, leave me alone, I don't wanna go out with you… Oh, ok I'll go out with you.'"

"They're both idiots, Oscar," said Jessica. "Don't listen."

"So you guys are both gonna be out on Friday night, then," Peter surmised.

"No parties, Dad," said Oscar.

"Aren't you going to try and stop me going out with Oz?" asked Jessica.

"No," said Peter. "You don't even seem that sure you _want_ to go out with him, but if anything makes you decide that you do, it'll be me telling you not to."

"What are _you_ doing on Friday night, Gar?" asked Oscar.

"Me?" said Garrett. "Probably just the usual: take Max and the dog to the park to wear them out, have dinner, watch a movie or something and go to bed."

"Oh," Peter said distastefully, "you are so _old_."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"I'm going out with a friend on Friday night," said Celine, minutes after she and Wanda had made love to celebrate their apparent success in their campaign against Eduardo.

"Yeah?" said Wanda. "I might go and check on _him_, then."

"Who, Eduardo?"

"Yes."

"Do you wanna do anything else about him in the meantime?"

"I don't know," said Wanda. "I'd _love_ to know exactly how last night's attempt went down - because if it _did_ work, it'll take a lot of beating."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo was sitting on the bed and staring into a darkened corner when the phone rang. He wouldn't have picked it up if he hadn't been on autopilot, but something at the back of his mind told him what to do and he just did it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe, it's me."

"Oh, Kylie, hi," said Eduardo, still staring. "Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday. I'd really like to see you - I want you to know that."

"I'd really like to see you too," said Kylie. "It's just horrible at home without you. Can I come over now?"

"Um… maybe not."

"Why?"

"I don't want you to see me like this."

"Oh, Eduardo…"

"No, look, come on - don't sound like that. I _really_ don't want you to see me like this."

"Like what?"

"Well it's not _me_, exactly, it's… I'll deal with it, though, I promise."

"So when?" Kylie asked desperately.

"Tomorrow. I'm gonna have to… I don't know, I'll think of something. You're busy all day, aren't you?"

"Well…"

"Don't change your whole life on my account," said Eduardo. "I, um… I don't know how much time I'll need anyway. Give me until the end of school."

"To do what?" asked Kylie. "I wish you'd tell me."

"I will," said Eduardo. "Tomorrow night." He paused. "What _is_ tomorrow night?"

"Friday."

"Perfect - it's not a school night. You can bring the girls and hopefully I'll be ready to see them, and then Beth can give them dinner and I'll tell you everything."

"What everything?"

"I love you," said Eduardo.

Kylie exhaled heavily. "I love you too. I wish you'd let me help you."

"Well," said Eduardo, "this is something I'd rather you didn't… it's just… I'll see you tomorrow."

"That's it?"

"Only until tomorrow. And I might even end up telling you I need your help after all."

"Please tell me - "

"'Bye."

But Kylie wasn't having that. She couldn't go and see him then; her first responsibility was to her daughters, and she had to go and collect Rose from preschool as soon as the call ended. But she went to Carl's house on the Friday morning, ascended the stairs to Eduardo's room and knocked for five minutes. No answer. She was thinking about how angry she would be if Eduardo disrespected her wishes like that, when Beth appeared.

"He went out," she said.

"Out?" Kylie stared down at where Beth stood at the bottom of the stairs. "Where?"

"I don't know."

"How is he?"

"Not good," said Beth. "Come down - I'll make you some coffee and we'll talk."

Within minutes Kylie was sobbing quietly onto Beth's shoulder. She really hadn't wanted to, especially now that Eduardo had pretty much promised her a reconciliation, but it was a power Beth had. She made Kylie give her a detailed account of everything she was feeling, Kylie cried for a bit, and then they both went to collect Rose when the time came. Beth offered to have her and Conchita with her all afternoon, but in her fragile state Kylie found that she couldn't bear to be apart from either of her children for a moment longer than necessary; so she and Rose went to the firehouse and Beth - in her infinite kindness - brought Conchita to join them in the afternoon.

And then it was Friday evening.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Would you like to share my cab?" asked Oz, when he met Wanda and Celine in the doorway.

"No, that won't work - we're going in totally different directions," said Wanda.

"So where are you taking her, anyway?" asked Celine.

"Well," said Oz, "that's up to her. I don't imagine it'll be anywhere very sophisticated, though. That's why I haven't bothered to dress up - I've a feeling she wouldn't like it. Are you sure neither of you wants to share my cab?"

"Why can't you just take no for an answer?" Wanda said irritably.

"Have a good time, Oz," said Celine.

"I extend the same wishes to both of you," Oz said pleasantly. "Good evening."

He went and climbed into the waiting cab, and repeated the address to the driver that Jessica had given him two days before. The quiet, fairly affluent looking neighbourhood he was taken to didn't surprise him at all. To the untrained eye, Jessica didn't seem the kind of girl to live in a place like that, but Oz knew that her parents were wealthy and he had immediately recognised in her the kind of spoilt rich girl who dressed down in designer rags because it was fashionable to appear underprivileged. Then, of course, he had met the brother, and suspected that it wasn't entirely down to the younger sibling. Her clothes may have been expensive once, but they looked a good four or five years old.

Jessica answered the door and, as Oz had suspected, she hadn't bothered to alter her appearance in any way. To look at her, she might as well have been planning to spend the night eating popcorn on the couch as going out on a date.

"I do enjoy the way you dress," said Oz.

Jessica scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't seem to conform to occasions. I think that's admirable. Before we go, my dear, is your brother at home?"

"No, he's gone out. Why?"

"I was thinking of lending him a book."

Jessica said nothing.

"This one," Oz went on, for he had brought his book bag even on this occasion, and he pulled out of it a thin paperback whose cover illustration was no more or less than an acoustic guitar. The title of the book was _The Commitments_, and had been written by somebody called Roddy Doyle.

Jessica glanced at the back of the book, then opened it and began to read. At once she said, "This is written in some kind of dialect."

"Irish," said Oz. "It's really not that hard, once you get into it."

"Oscar wouldn't get to the bottom of the first page."

"Oh well." Oz took the book back and returned it to his bag. "Thank you for the advice. I shall just have to keep trying."

"You're trying to find a book Oscar would enjoy?"

"Not just any book - he's read books. I'm trying to find him a novel. Failing that, I may just have to find him a short story. Fiction, at any rate."

"Oscar doesn't read fiction."

"There's a story out there for everyone."

"If you're not careful, he'll retaliate by making you listen to every piece of music ever recorded until you find one you like."

"Oh, but it's not the same," said Oz. "Novels are _about_ things. Whatever interest any person has, there is bound to be a novel about it somewhere in the world."

"Are you suggesting music isn't about things?"

"I suggest it absolutely."

"Right, well," said Jessica, "maybe we should continue this over dinner. We should go before my mom comes out here and tries to introduce herself."

"Would that be a bad thing?" asked Oz.

"Well, Dad and I agree that it's best if she doesn't see how old you are unless this becomes a regular thing. Which it won't."

"How negative."

"I only want to talk about that book."

"Perhaps I'll give you another."

"Come on, let's just go," said Jessica. "I really feel like a seriously big pizza."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kylie couldn't believe it. Eduardo was almost himself. He did wince a little bit when Conchita and Rose hurled themselves at him, and he was slightly inhibited in his movements when they played Snakes and Ladders on Carl and Beth's living room floor. Rose sitting between his legs and leaning back against his lower torso between rolls of the die couldn't have been comfortable for him, but it was clearly quite bearable.

"I don't suppose he told you where he went?" Kylie said to Beth.

With her ever expanding capacity for goodness, Beth was now making dinner for Conchita and Rose, and suddenly Kylie was reminded that Thanksgiving was almost upon them. She wasn't looking forward to it much. She didn't have anything against Thanksgiving in general, but Thanksgiving at Carl's house was just so horribly regressive. It would be very similar to how things were just then: the men and the children chilling out while they waited for the women to serve dinner. And Kylie would go along with it, because to object would just be more trouble than it was worth.

"No, he didn't," said Beth. "He seems so much better, doesn't he? I tell you, I know it's only been three days, but he's missing those girls like crazy. And you, of course."

"I still don't quite understand what happened," said Kylie.

"Well, whatever it is, you'll deal with it," said Beth. "He _really_ wants to go home. The girls' dinner will be ready in about five minutes, and then you and Eduardo can go and do whatever it is you need to do."

Kylie silently vowed someday to find a way to repay all of Beth's kindness to her, and felt bad about encouraging her to leave Carl when their marriage was going through a rocky patch about sixteen months before.

It was a big dinner - probably too much for two such little girls. It was a good ploy. First they would have to spend time eating it, and then they would probably be too full to want to do anything other than sit in stunned silence. They wouldn't miss their parents much.

Eduardo and Kylie made their way to the tiny apartment above the garage. The old place brought back such memories for Kylie. She and Eduardo had spent more time at her apartment in the early days, but this was their first real home together. They'd had Conchita there for eighteen months while they built up the finances and the confidence to take her to a home of their own. Kylie hadn't been completely happy about living there, and yet Beth's help with Conchita had been invaluable.

"You went out this afternoon, didn't you?" said Kylie, hoping Eduardo would infer that Beth had told her this in the kitchen. She didn't want him to know that she'd gone to the house earlier than requested. "I don't know what you did, but whatever it was must have worked - you're a hell of a lot better than you sounded on the phone yesterday."

They were several yards apart. She was sitting on the edge of the bed and he was on his feet, slowly pacing the length of the room in front of her.

"Oh, it wasn't that," Eduardo said evasively. "That didn't really… I, I'm actually pretty sure it's the weed."

Kylie raised her eyebrows. "Really?"

"I didn't think I'd have enough money to buy it, but I was really desperate so I had a look in my savings account, and it turns out I actually _have_ some savings. So I spent all of it on marijuana - I'm sorry."

"It's your money," said Kylie. "You don't have to apologise."

"You asked me how I could afford it."

"Oh yeah, I did, didn't I? I only wondered."

"Do you want some?" asked Eduardo. "I've got a little bit left. It'll be a just like that time when I bought some weed and we smoked it in my room," he added, smiling.

"I don't want to deprive you," said Kylie.

"Yeah… maybe I should save it in case it all flares up again. Only… I think you were right about going to Egon. I think whatever's happening to me might be paranormal."

"What makes you think that?"

Eduardo shook his head, clearly struggling with his thoughts, and it made Kylie more certain than she had been already that he was keeping something back.

"That time when you kissed me and I kept pushing you away," he said at length. "It's because it was hurting me. Whenever you touched me, it was like I was on fire. And not in the good way," he added, with a half-smile.

Kylie just stared at him.

"See, that's why I didn't tell you," he said. "It doesn't make sense."

"But I believe you," said Kylie. "It didn't take becoming a Ghostbuster to make _me_ believe in the paranormal."

"I know," said Eduardo. "I'm sorry."

"Can you touch me now?" Kylie asked quietly.

He looked at her for a moment. Then he said, "I don't know."

"Will you try?"

He walked towards her, crouched down in front of her and touched her neck, pushing his hand behind her hair.

"Well?" she asked.

"That actually feels really good."

Instinct told her to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him. She had planned to be gentle, but to her surprise and joy he returned the kiss with incredible passion. The hand on her neck moved round to the back of her head, and she felt his other arm snaking around her waist. It was perhaps just ten or fifteen seconds before he pulled back to say through shallow breath, "Let's make love."

"Can you?" asked Kylie.

"Seems I can," he said.

For a few seconds after that, it was pretty frantic. But then after she had pulled off his jacket and was going for his t-shirt, he stopped her and said, "Ky, there were some sores and stuff this morning - it wasn't pretty. They're not so bad now, but… you can see they were there."

On hearing this Kylie slowed down to undress him, remembering how he had winced when he was crouching in the embrace of his daughters. She felt faintly horrified at the angry red marks scattered over his body. Most of them were comparable in size to a baby tomato. She touched one of the marks gently, afraid of hurting him. He sucked in his breath, and she knew she'd have to be gentle with him - but then suddenly he was dictating the pace again, and they were making love as though to a deadline.

"Have you been using the stuff Dr. Legg gave you?" asked Kylie, after they had been lying in blissful silence for about ten minutes.

"I did for a couple of days," said Eduardo. "But I stopped."

"Why?"

"I didn't believe it was doing me any good. And then it pretty much cleared up anyway."

"Obviously."

"I _really_ think it was the weed."

"Yeah…"

Kylie had been lying with her arm draped over his hips and her head resting just below his ribcage. Now she raised herself onto her elbow, looked his naked body up and down and said, "It really sounds paranormal to me. I mean, if it was as bad as I think it was, and it's like this now…"

"Mmm," Eduardo said non-committally.

"There's something else."

"Oh, you're good."

"Tell me."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

Eduardo didn't answer right away. He pushed her gently away from him, stood up and went for a little walk around the room. After a short while he went to the heap of clothes on the floor, sorted his from hers and started to put them on. Kylie wondered whether he was beginning to feel self-conscious of the imperfections that lingered everywhere on his body, including his genitals, or he was simply feeling the cold November air.

"It's just too horrible," he said at length. "It makes me feel so…"

"So…?"

"Guilty."

"Why?" asked Kylie.

He let out a long sigh. "I know now what this is about."

"What's it about?"

"Bess."

Kylie, sitting up and wrapped very sparingly in the white bed sheet, just stared at him.

"All right," he said. "I'll show you. Do you… wanna take a shower first?"

"I don't know," said Kylie. "Do you wanna put it off for as long as possible?"

"Don't you think you should?"

She probably should. "Yeah, ok."

"Ky," he said, as she walked towards the bathroom.

She turned in the doorway. "What, babe?"

"It's really gonna freak you out."

"Right. I'll be sure to brace myself."

Kylie showered and dried herself quickly, pulled on her clothes and then found Eduardo leaning against one of the kitchen surfaces. His arms were folded across his abdomen, and he looked like he was about to be sick.

"Is it what you were trying to deal with this afternoon?" Kylie asked gently.

Eduardo nodded. "I did what you would have done: went to the occult bookstore, asked a couple of experts, tried to figure out if there was something I could do about it… I really wanted it to be gone by the time you got here. I thought about going to the firehouse and getting a trap… I mean, I didn't think it would work, because this is obviously all part of something bigger… but then the sores flared up and I had to come home and have some weed, and it just… I'm gonna have to get you guys in on this anyway, so you might as well see it now."

"I don't understand," said Kylie. "Is it something you've got in that cupboard?"

"Well." Eduardo glanced down, turning his head slightly towards the cupboard behind his shins. "Ky, when I look at it I just feel like the worst person in the world."

"Eduardo," said Kylie. She walked towards him and put her hands on his elbows. "I love you. I hope you don't think whatever it is will change that."

"Of course not," said Eduardo, and he stepped aside.

He didn't look like he was about to open that cupboard any time soon, and by now Kylie was about ready to explode with curiosity. Sparing a glance at Eduardo's unusually white face, she took a step forward and opened the cupboard. Her reaction to what she saw was immediate and strong: "_Oh my GOD_!"

_To be continued…_


	3. Chapter 3

_Extreme Ghostbusters:_** Desire**

Part 3

For some unfathomable reason, Celine had chosen to meet Roland at the Star Bright Coffee House where she, Wanda and Bess had worked while they were all at college. It was the only eatery in the whole of New York whose name she could call to mind. Even the big branch names escaped her. Now, she really wished she hadn't suffered such a terrible lapse of memory. Even the front entrance and the steps leading down into the belly of the café brought back some unwelcome memories.

Roland was waiting for her outside in spite of the cold, gentleman that he was. Celine knew he'd have his car, and for a moment she was tempted to suggest that they just drove off somewhere secluded and did whatever took their fancy on the backseat. But there was forward, and then there was sluttish. She contented herself with flinging her arms around him and kissing him – but he shook her off at once.

"That's not why I'm here," he said. Then, "I'm sorry."

"So why _are_ we here?" Celine asked irritably.

"We're going to figure out how to make you happy."

"_I _can think of something that would make me happy."

"Please," said Roland, trying to ignore the hungry look she was giving him. "Let's just... go and get something to eat, shall we?"

Once they were seated, Roland ordered a complicated sandwich and Celine a cappuccino.

"I wish you'd eat something," said Roland.

"I told you, I'm not hungry," snapped Celine.

"All right, I'm sorry. Now, did you talk to your boyfriend?"

Celine played with the spoon in her cappuccino for a few moments, clearly thinking about her answer. Then she said, "Roland, I'm going to tell you something. It's not a guy."

"No?" said Roland, clearly with no idea what she meant.

"It's Wanda."

"Oh!"

"You obviously didn't know," said Celine, "but up until a few days ago we thought maybe you _all_ knew, because Eduardo saw us kissing at Bess's funeral."

"Perhaps he thinks it's not his place," said Roland. "But why didn't _you_ tell me?"

Celine shrugged. "I thought you might be, I don't know, shocked or something."

"No, no, I'm not shocked. I'm surprised, though, because you've been... you know... with, with me."

"Yeah, I know, it's crazy, isn't it?" said Celine. "It was scary when I realised I was attracted to you, because I was _so_ sure I was gay. I mean, I had a couple of boyfriends when I was in my teens, and that was crap. But then I moved away when I was twenty and I got involved with a woman, and that was _so_ much better – I just thought: Right, that explains it. And now there's Wanda."

"But she's not making you happy?"

Celine shook her head. "She was at first. God, she was even worried _my_ heart wasn't in it. She kept saying basically, 'Are you sure you're a lesbian? Because you _really _used to like men.' And I was like, 'Yeah, don't worry about it – I am _totally_ gay.'"

"Labels," said Roland. "I don't want you worrying about whether you're straight or gay."

"Well I seem to be bi."

"Another label. Celine, I don't think you need to be confused. It sounds to me like when you have sexual feelings, they're for the person rather than the body. And that says something really good about you."

"Does it?"

"Of course it does. It says that you have a lot of very genuine love to give."

"I don't think I do," said Celine. "The people I want to sleep with are the ones who are nice to me – it's pathetic. You and Wanda are about the only people around here who've shown me any kindness. Not that I'm complaining – I know I don't deserve kindness."

"Everyone deserves kindness," said Roland.

"Well," said Celine, "we're coming off the point. I've told you everything. Now what do I need to do to be happy?"

"Well, the problem is that I don't think you talked to Wanda like I suggested."

"Yeah, well. She's been preoccupied."

"With what?"

"With Bess's death, mostly, and… and with this other woman she's so hot for." She clenched her fist as she added, "I tell you, it's becoming an obsession."

"If it were me," said Roland, "I'd sit down with Wanda, and I'd get her to tell me _exactly_ how she feels about me - and I'd ask her to be honest about this other woman, because you can't _really_ know what she's feeling. I mean, I'm assuming Wanda hasn't actually said to you, 'Celine, there's another woman I want more than you.'"

"Well of course she hasn't."

"Have you challenged her about it?"

"Well... maybe a little."

"And does she deny it?"

"She makes no secret of finding her attractive," said Celine. "But when I ask her if it goes further than that, she says I'm being paranoid."

"Well perhaps she's telling the truth," Roland said gently. "My advice, Celine, is the same as it was before: _talk_ to her about it. If you actually have a conversation, you'll know at the end of it whether there's any chance of you two having a future."

"And what if there isn't?" asked Celine.

"You'll cope," said Roland. "I don't think you're co-dependent – you really don't seem the type. You've been single before, haven't you?"

"Yeah, loads of times."

"And were you happy?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Maybe you'll find someone else," said Roland. "But don't force it. Some people go out of their way to find love, but I don't believe it works like that. First you have to make _yourself_ happy. Go somewhere you like to be, find something you like to do and do it. And then if you _do_ happen to meet someone special, great. But if not, so be it. You'll still be happy in yourself, and being single won't make you incomplete."

"That would hold more water if you yourself hadn't got to the someone special part, you know," said Celine. "How _are _things with Grace? I take it you've chosen her over me."

"Celine, I'm not going to pretend that I don't find you attractive," said Roland. "I'm also _extremely_ flattered, and if it wasn't for Grace I wouldn't have hesitated. But I think she and I have something really special brewing there. I'd be a fool to throw it away."

"She's a lucky woman," Celine said succinctly.

"Well, let's forget about her for now," said Roland. "Tell me the plan for after we leave."

"Well, I'll go home," said Celine. "Maybe you'll be kind enough to drop me off, I don't know. I'll talk to Wanda, and hopefully we'll straighten everything out and things will improve. If we _do _decide to call it a day… well, actually, I might go back to New Jersey and see if I can get back a job I really liked."

"Oh, well, great," said Roland. "I didn't expect you to think so far ahead, but I'm happy that you are."

"Roland," said Celine. "I'm so grateful to you for helping me. You didn't have to – I'm not your problem. Well… I wasn't."

"You're not a problem," said Roland. "I'm happy to help."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"How did you get it to stay in the cupboard?" asked Kylie.

"I'm not sure," said Eduardo. "I was standing here and he just went in for some reason, and I shut the door and he seems to have stayed there."

"But why? I mean, it can't be real - I'm sure it shouldn't be restricted by doors."

"Kylie, I just don't know."

Kylie turned her back on the tiny wriggling little thing in the cupboard, but she couldn't stop seeing it. It was hideous, pathetic and terrifying all at once. It was black as though it had been burnt, and extremely under-formed, and yet it was obviously human.

"Please don't call it 'he'," said Kylie. "And don't look at it like that. _That_ is not your child. Your child ended up in an incinerator somewhere, and it _didn__'__t_ crawl out again to come and torment you ten years later."

"I know," said Eduardo.

"Why 'he', anyway? Can you tell?"

"I haven't looked. It's… just a feeling I have."

Kylie was determined not to look at it again, but she cut a glance at Eduardo when she heard the strain in his voice, and said, "Do you wish now that she'd told you?"

"No," he said. "That sounds really bad, doesn't it? It's not that I… I mean, if she had, I wouldn't wish she hadn't. Does that makes sense?"

"Absolutely."

"But things would have been so different. We wouldn't have been able to afford Rose, Ky, and I know how much you didn't want Chita to be an only child."

"Well," Kylie said vaguely. "She wouldn't have been."

"You wanted them to be friends," Eduardo went on. "You wanted to make sure she'd always have someone. I was glad when we had another girl. Sisters are supposed to be really close and tell each other everything, aren't they? I can already see that with them… the way they are together. I wouldn't want Conchita to be without that, and she wouldn't have had it with him. See, I've thought about this. I thought about my girls first, and then I thought about you, even before I knew that baby was mine. But even after I _did_ know I didn't think about him. But Ky, I was his father, and he _died_!"

"Don't talk like that," said Kylie. "You're Conchita and Rose's father first and foremost, and they're alive and well because they have two parents who love them and want them. You never knew Bess's baby - you never even knew it existed until last year."

"I know," said Eduardo. "It's obvious - _all_ of that - I shouldn't feel as bad about it as I do. But then suddenly this thing shows up, and…" - his voice just disappeared.

"Oh Eduardo, I'm sorry," said Kylie. "Why the hell am I standing here talking? We'll deal with it - I'll call the firehouse."

"If it's not him," Eduardo said quietly, "then what is it?"

"Well," said Kylie, walking towards the phone, "we'll find out, won't we? Why _are_ you so sure it was a boy, anyway? Are you sure you were glad when we had another girl?"

"Kylie…"

"Sorry, stupid question. Ok…"

Kylie picked up the phone and was about to dial, when suddenly a new voice spoke. It was clearly a young voice, but distorted and pained as it said simply, "Da-da!"

At that, Eduardo kicked the cupboard door shut and retreated to the far corner.

"OH MY _GOD_!" yelled Kylie. "That is absolutely _sick_!"

Eduardo had no answer.

"Has it done that before?"

"A couple of times."

"Jesus Christ."

Her first half-finished attempt at dialling, according to an automated voice, had failed. Kylie hung up, lifted the receiver again and dialled the full number of the firehouse.

"Beautiful," she said at length. "No answer."

"It's pretty late," said Eduardo.

"So the hell what? There should be someone there. I'm going to the firehouse to get some stuff. Do you want to come with me?"

"Um… I'd rather stay and smoke a joint."

When Kylie looked at Eduardo, he was shaking off his jacket. She saw that a few pretty nasty sores had opened up on his arms, and one of them was weeping profusely.

"Babe, don't worry, we'll get this sorted out," said Kylie. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Remember to go and - "

"Explain to Beth and the girls what's happening, I will. Will you be ok?"

"Yeah, once I've had some weed."

"It's probably best for you to stay here anyway," said Kylie. "That… it might have wanted to follow you." She paused. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She left, and Eduardo was alone with his foetus and his cannabis. He was trying to forget about the former and concentrate on the latter, when he heard his front door crash open with unnecessary force. Thinking that such a violent entrance must have been Carl, Eduardo opened a window in an attempt to alleviate the smell of lawbreaking, and then went to flush his joint down the toilet. A second later he was back in the bedroom, and staring at an entirely unexpected visitor. His initial thought was the same as when he had first spotted his last unwelcome guest: perhaps it was the effect of the drug. But then again, perhaps it wasn't.

"What happened?" demanded Wanda, her teeth bared and her shoulders heaving.

"Wanda," said Eduardo. "That explains it."

"Did you fuck her?"

"This was all you, wasn't it? Jesus, woman, you're insane!"

"You are not supposed to be able to touch her!" grated Wanda. "_And_ you're supposed to be impotent! But look at you - you look almost healthy! Did you have sex? Tell me!"

"Why do you care so much if I had sex?"

"You shouldn't _be_ like this! How have you done it?"

"Wanda," said Eduardo, the anger in his voice now almost matching hers, though he was considerably quieter. "Get the hell out of here."

"My friend _died_ because of your obsession with sex!" said Wanda.

"_Who__'__s _obsessed with sex!" countered Eduardo.

"_She__'__s too good for you_!" screamed Wanda. "How is it that Bess died and you're sleeping with a beautiful woman every night? Where's the justice in that?"

"Wanda." Eduardo strode towards her, grabbed both of her arms and started pulling her towards the door. She was taller than Kylie, but not exactly big - it wasn't hard work. "I told you to leave."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" yelled Wanda.

"Will you stop screaming at me!"

"LET GO OF ME!"

She was struggling frantically, but with no more strength than Eduardo would have imagined she'd have in her small body. He was a lot bigger than she was, and though he had to work to maintain his hold on her, he managed it easily enough. But then she had the bright idea of bringing her knee up between his legs with force. He let go of her.

"You call that pain?" jeered Wanda.

"Yes," rasped Eduardo, bent double.

"You don't know what pain is!"

"Oh… no, probably not."

He didn't want her getting into a lecture about menstrual cramps and childbirth. He already knew. He had seen Kylie in labour for thirteen hours, and then again for eight, whereas his pain of that particular moment was already starting to subside. Slowly, he began to rise up a little straighter.

"But you _will_ know," said Wanda. "By the time I'm through with you, you'll know the true meaning of pain."

"Dare I ask what you plan to do?" Eduardo asked sceptically. He wasn't sure he should be so cocky - this woman had obviously honed whatever magical abilities she possessed - but in terms of physical strength he was confident of maintaining his advantage.

"No," said Wanda. "Don't bother asking. I'd hate to spoil the surprise."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kylie found Winston Zeddemore and Peter sitting in armchairs, drinking coffee and talking. As she walked in Winston was saying, "Charlene says he looks eighteen."

"He _looks_ twenty," said Peter. "And if she's going out with someone that much older than her, it's definitely better that I know - "

"Why didn't you answer the phone?" snapped Kylie.

They both turned and looked at her in surprise. Then Peter asked, "When did you call?"

"Oh, I don't know. Ages ago."

"Well we just got here."

"What's up?" asked Winston.

Kylie shook her head and said, "Forget it, I'll handle it."

If Ray Stantz had been there, or Egon, she would have told them - but she just didn't even want to know how Peter would react to hearing that Eduardo had been having intimacy issues that seemed to have culminated in a foetus in his kitchen cupboard. Winston would have been gentle and understanding, and Kylie trusted his expertise in ghosts after working so long with Ray and Egon, in spite of his not so brilliant mind. But Eduardo clearly felt guilty and embarrassed about the whole thing, so she decided not to go telling anyone who _wasn__'__t_ Egon or Ray (they were special) without his express permission.

"I'll deal with it," she said, and wandered off in search of some equipment.

Kylie didn't know what she would need. She thought it was possible that a ghost trap might hold the foetus, but as it was obviously part of something larger, she was also prepared for the possibility that it wouldn't. Well, mentally she was prepared. Practically she didn't know _what _she would do.

When Kylie had gone to tell her daughters that she and Eduardo might be some time in the garage apartment, she'd asked Carl and Beth to let them stay the night, and nobody had minded - not even Carl. Beth had emergency sleepover supplies, always insisting that you just never know, and now Kylie saw that she was right. She didn't want to have to worry about taking them home because she knew she and Eduardo might be hours at whatever they decided to do about the whole fiasco. Ultimately they had to find the source of all the problems, and then act accordingly. Bearing this in mind, Kylie scoured the firehouse and took everything she thought she could possibly need.

"What are you -?" began Peter, when he saw Kylie walking across the doorway, her arms loaded with books and all kinds of specialist tracking equipment.

"I'm taking the Ecto-1," said Kylie.

"Oh no you don't," said Peter. "_We_ might need it."

"Would you rather I used _your_ car?"

"I'd _rather_ you took a cab."

"Yeah, well, we don't all have your disposable income, Dr. Venkman," said Kylie. "I'm taking the Ecto-1."

"Kylie," Winston said gently. "Are you sure you don't need any help?"

"I'll be fine," said Kylie, and she left, taking the Ecto-1 with her.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"I'll walk," said Celine. "It's really not far."

She and Roland were outside the coffee house now, strolling at a leisurely pace towards Roland's Mustang.

"Did you walk here?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Well I'm not letting you walk back. It's not safe at the best of times, and especially in the middle of the night."

"I can take care of myself," said Celine.

"Wouldn't you rather not _have_ to chase off a rapist?" asked Roland. "You said earlier you wouldn't refuse a lift home - let me drive you."

"Well only if you don't mind."

"You just_ said_ it wasn't far."

He drove her, of course. She gave him directions, and then instructed him to come to a stop in a poorly lit street with several borderline-dilapidated houses, and one that looked old but habitable.

"Are you and Wanda living there?" asked Roland, indicating the ok-looking house.

"Yeah," said Celine. "I'm not sure I like it, though - our landlord is a total weirdo." She squinted at the house. "Hmm… no lights are on. Wanda might not be back yet."

"And the landlord?"

"He's out tonight too."

"Something tells me you're reluctant to go into that house when it's empty."

"Do you know what you are?" said Celine. "You're _empathic_. I didn't believe empathy really existed until I met you."

"I'll stay with you," said Roland, "until Wanda gets back."

"That's really nice of you. I shouldn't feel weird about going in there when he's out, but… I don't know, there's just something about that house. I think one of his parents must have died in an armchair or something."

"I don't think you should live somewhere you don't feel safe," said Roland.

"Oh, it's fine when Wanda's there," said Celine. "It's even ok when it's just him there. I mean, he's weird, but he's nice enough. And he's sort of… he gives off this aura of being _in charge_. Like, if there _is_ anything lurking in the shadows, it's not coming out as long as he's around. Oh God, does that sound stupid? Like a kid afraid of the Bogeyman?"

"Not at all," said Roland. "I'm a Ghostbuster, remember. If you feel that way, I can believe there's really something to it. Maybe you'd like us to check the place out."

"No, no, it's not my house, and he wouldn't want any Ghostbusters in there."

"We'll just wait for Wanda, then," said Roland. "Tell me about this job you liked."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kylie hadn't had much space in her mind actually to _think_. But when she was driving the Ecto-1 back to Carl's house, there wasn't really very much else she _could_ do. And then it dawned on her. It was so obvious. Wanda going hysterical when Eduardo showed up on the morning after Bess died. Wanda and Celine trying to resurrect Bess. Beth taking Wanda into her home shortly before the mysterious disappearance of a doll that had seen better days. She didn't know what the doll had to do with anything, but if Wanda _had_ taken it, Kylie's fury was doubled. Conchita had been upset, and Rose devastated.

Unloading the car would take up valuable time, so Kylie decided to start with just a proton pistol and a trap, and see how things went from there. As she climbed the metal staircase at the side of the house, she spared a thought for her daughters. It was already past their usual bedtime when she left; they were probably sound asleep by now.

Somebody or something was making scratching noises at the bottom of the door. Kylie bit her lip, knowing at once what it was, and then that awful sound confirmed it: "Dada?" It was astonishing to Kylie that she hadn't thought of Celine and Wanda before, especially when the foetus came into the picture. They were all about revenge. The Ghostbusters' first experience of them was when they and Bess were inflicting revenge upon men who had wronged them… and one homecoming queen they didn't like.

Kylie pulled open the door, and the thing crawled past her. It was surprisingly fast, but it did have to crawl and it was only little, so Kylie had time to turn round and hold an open trap over it. It went in easily enough, for which she was immensely grateful. It occurred to her that, in a way, she had just trapped her own stepchild. Then she chided herself for thinking such a thing. She had already told Eduardo that it wasn't his child - and that prompted her to wonder why that thing was trying to escape when clearly what it wanted was to be with the person it thought was its father.

"Eduardo?"

There was no answer. Kylie ventured into the apartment, and noticed at once that the fourteen-inch television set lay askew on the floor. She could hardly believe it. It looked as though someone had gone in, attacked Eduardo with a fourteen-inch colour TV and then made off with him. Was that something Wanda or Celine might do? After barely a moment's thought, Kylie had to conclude that it probably was.

She put down the ghost trap and went to Carl and Beth's front door, just to make sure he wasn't there. After all, there _might_ be a simple explanation as to why the TV was lying unplugged on the floor. Kylie raised her hand to the doorbell, and then hesitated. She didn't want to get into a conversation about this, which she would inevitably have to do if Carl or Beth got involved. So she decided to duck down in front of the living room window and peer in like some kind of pervert.

Carl and Beth were on the couch watching TV, sitting in a fairly intimate position as they enjoyed the time before their teenage son returned home. And actually, Kylie thought, that could be at any moment. She didn't want Kevin to find her lurking about beneath windows, so she went to back the Ecto-1. She sat in the driver's seat, her body not moving and her mind screaming at it to do something. _Anything_.

She had no idea where Eduardo was. She had no idea where Wanda and Celine were, and even if she did know of a place where they might be, that wouldn't be the place they'd take him. She turned round and looked at the books and equipment she had piled on the backseat, and began to wonder which of it would be best for tracking the source of that hideous thing in the trap.

Then she froze. Again, her mind wanted to act, but her body wouldn't move. Apparently it was preoccupied with how incredibly stupid she had been. Finding Eduardo would be easy. She could have done it the moment she opened that door - or if her suspicions were right, she could. She clambered out of the car and ran up the steps. The door was still open, which was negligent but understandable, and there on the floor sat the trap. Kylie looked at it, mulling over for a moment what she would do. Something didn't seem right about following a live - or apparently live - foetus through the streets of Manhattan; and besides, it might get itself squashed under the wheel of a bus or something.

She went through the thought process in seconds. Then, her heart racing and her hands shaking, she crouched down to pick up the trap. Her knees were shaking too. She was furious, with Wanda and/or Celine for taking him and with herself for letting it happen. And she was terrified. It even occurred to her that they might have already killed him.

That did it. Her whole body might want to go into shutdown, but she wasn't going to let it. Kylie span round, took the steps three at a time and sat down heavily in the Ecto-1.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

They waited for fifteen minutes, and then Celine called Wanda's cell phone.

"Hmm," she said. "No answer."

"I hope she's ok," said Roland.

"Maybe she's home already."

"What, sitting in the dark?"

"Well," said Celine, "I wouldn't put it past her. Look, this is ridiculous - you don't have to sit here minding me because I'm too chicken shit to go into my own home. I'll go."

"You don't - "

"It's fine. Thank you _again_ for all your help. So… if there's really no chance you'll change your mind…"

"Not while I'm with Grace," said Roland.

"Right," said Celine.

Then she decided she was going to kiss him again, just to see what happened. After all, she had nothing to lose now. She kissed him less passionately this time, so that it could almost have been just a friendly goodnight thing. When he didn't object, she started to intensify it, and boy was it good. She got the feeling he was enjoying it too, but then she tried poking her tongue at him and he pulled away.

"Celine, please," he said.

She shrugged. "All right then."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reciprocated."

"Well don't feel guilty. If you'd been any other guy, you'd be doing me on the backseat right now and _still_ go back to Grace in the morning."

"Well I don't know about _that_," said Roland.

"I'll see ya."

She climbed out of the car and slammed the door. Roland just sat there for a moment, watching her shape moving through the darkness, wondering if that was goodbye forever.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo was woken by a rush of cold water over his head and torso - which, for some reason or other, was now without his t-shirt and jacket.

"I thought about stripping you completely naked," said Wanda, "so you'd have absolutely _no_ dignity, but… well, I don't wanna see that."

He was on his knees, and there were manacles on his wrists. The only light was from a single candle in one corner, so it took a few moments for his eyes to adjust. What gradually came into focus was a wooden-floored basement, empty apart from a few packing crates - and of course Wanda herself, with her hands held ominously behind her back and a now empty plastic bucket at her feet. The manacles on his wrists were heavy and cumbersome. When Eduardo looked he saw that they covered a good few inches of his arms, and were thick and severely tarnished. He gave an experimental tug, and felt pressure. He was chained to the wall and, alarmingly, the manacles had no locks.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Wanda asked irritably.

"What would you like me to say?" Eduardo said dully.

"Oh, I don't know. 'Please let me go, Wanda! Don't hurt me!'"

"Did you knock me out with the TV set?"

"It was the only thing in your apartment heavy enough. Y'know, I _was_ afraid I might have accidentally killed you a little early, you took so long waking up."

"Yeah, right, hence the cold shower." Eduardo found that he could put his hands on the floor, and he struggled to his bare feet. "What is this place?"

"Just a basement," said Wanda. "Answer my question. Did you have sex with Kylie?"

"Sure, loads of times."

At this Wanda charged over to him, suddenly shaking with rage, lifted her right leg and slammed the flat of her heavy boot into his stomach. Eduardo balked with pain and surprise, falling to his knees once again.

"Did you have sex with her _tonight_?" demanded Wanda.

"Yes."

"Goddamn it!"

"Why do you want to know?" He looked up as he said this, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw that Wanda had a pretty serious looking knife in her hand.

"You are _supposed_ to be miserable!" she screeched. "You are not supposed to be able to _do_ that! My friend is _dead_ because _you_ had sex with her!"

"I know!" said Eduardo. "Wanda, jeez, I can't tell you how guilty I feel about that."

"Yeah, sure," spat Wanda. "You feel bad that she died, I can believe that. So you make yourself forget by shooting a load into a woman you _haven__'__t_ killed yet."

Eduardo winced. "Oh, don't talk that way - that's gross."

"Get on your feet," said Wanda, brandishing her knife menacingly. He did as he was told. "Did she like it?"

He sighed heavily. "Kylie or Bess?"

"_Bess_, you fucktard! Did she like it when you put your dick in her?"

"Wanda," said Eduardo. "What good can this do?"

"I want to know," said Wanda. "Did she get _any_ pleasure out of you at all?"

"Yes."

"Always?"

"No, not at first."

"I knew it!" crowed Wanda. "You were just using her like a… like a blow-up doll!"

"That's not true," said Eduardo.

"What about your _wife_?" Wanda pressed. She said "wife" as though it tasted like poison on her tongue. "She likes a bit of _chico Latino_ inside her on a Friday night, does she?"

"Yes." For some reason, when it wasn't about Bess, he felt defiant. "Very much."

Suddenly Wanda's body was almost touching his, and he sucked in his breath as he felt the sharp edge of the knife against his throat.

"It's not true," said Wanda. "She's been faking it all this time. You have no _idea_ what it takes to satisfy a woman."

"Yeah, you're right, I probably don't," said Eduardo.

"You don't _listen_ to her."

"No."

"And you never listened to Bess either. They were both just sex toys to you."

At this, Eduardo said nothing. If he agreed, she might kill him. If he denied it like he wanted to… well, she might kill him. But then suddenly, she moved back. She stared at him for a moment, opened her mouth to speak and then looked round suddenly as a sound came from the floor above.

"Jeez, I hope that's Celine," she muttered. "But actually…" She turned round and wandered over to one of the packing crates.

"What are you -?"

"Sssh!" hissed Wanda.

"Wanda?" Celine's voice came from somewhere above their heads.

"It's a shame," said Wanda. She had his back to him, but Eduardo could see that she was using the crate as a table for some activity or other. "I _had_ hoped to hear you plead for mercy… and scream, obviously. But I'm not so sure I want Celine to hear you scream."

"Why not?" asked Eduardo, genuinely puzzled. "Isn't she -?"

Whatever Wanda had done, it was quick. His voice just seemed to fly out of him, and for a few moments he stood there gaping like a goldfish, his mind unwilling to accept that he had lost his one meagre means of defence.

"WANDA?"

"Now Celine," Wanda said quietly, as she stalked across the room towards Eduardo, "is a woman who _really_ enjoys a good orgasm. She didn't like it with men, though. And do you know why? Because men don't know how to do _anything_."

Eduardo stared at her, and at the knife in her hand, breathing heavily. Her eyes were about on a level with his collarbone, but they slipped downwards, and she wrinkled her nose in absolute disgust as she watched the rise and fall of his chest, and the perspiration rolling down his torso.

"How could either of them actually _like_ your body?" muttered Wanda, apparently to herself, with a look of concentration as though she was really trying to solve the puzzle.

"Wanda, where the _fuck_ are you?"

"My most successful attempt so far," murmured Wanda, "was when I knocked you out with the TV. Maybe I should just lay off the magic for a while, and…"

She was looking hungrily at her knife, and Eduardo was struck with the horrible idea that she was about to castrate him. He didn't doubt that she would do it; the woman was clearly insane. What Wanda did next, however, was to lift the knife and make a clean, shallow cut diagonally from his left shoulder to just above the pelvis on his left: that expanse of lightly muscled masculinity that so offended her. Eduardo opened his mouth as the metal blade sailed through him, wanting to cry out, though of course he couldn't. When it was over the pain lingered, but he was grateful it had been no worse.

He had no idea how much worse it might have got, of course, had not the door at the top of the stairs suddenly burst open and flooded the basement with light. Eduardo closed his eyes against the sudden glare, and when he opened them the was room in darkness again.

"Manacles?" said Celine, as she descended the stairs. "On the _wall_?"

"Isn't this house _awesome_?" was Wanda's reply. "Imagine what he must have in his bedroom that we're not allowed to see."

"He didn't tell us not to come down here, did he?"

"No - the door wasn't locked or anything."

"Right," said Celine, staring wide-eyed at Eduardo. "Wanda, what's he _doing_ here?"

"Isn't that obvious?" said Wanda.

"Oh Jesus, fuck, Wanda, this is going too far."

"Celine, none of it was working. I mean, it _was_, but it wore off or something. He had sex with Kylie tonight! He's not supposed to be able to!"

"What are you going to _do_ with him, Wanda? I mean, just because he had sex tonight doesn't mean you - hey." Celine glanced down at the knife in Wanda's hand. "You weren't about to cut off his wang or something, were you?"

"Oh!" Wanda's face brightened as though she was a child who had been presented with an uncommonly large birthday gift. "Now that's a _great _idea!"

Eduardo's whole body shrank into itself as Wanda came at him with the knife, but Celine grabbed her elbow and said, "Wanda, that's barbaric."

"Yeah, and…?"

"I want him to suffer," said Celine, "but I draw the line at cutting bits off."

"She's dead because of that disgusting thing of his," said Wanda.

"Yeah, well… don't you know the expression locking the stable door after the horse has bolted? I mean… Jesus Christ, Wanda, I couldn't bear to watch!"

"Then don't. Go upstairs and make some hot chocolate, and we'll drink it and then make love to celebrate."

"To celebrate the fact that you…? Um, actually Wanda, I wanted to talk about you and me," Celine said tentatively. "I need to ask you… he's quiet, isn't he?"

"I've made him mute," Wanda said proudly.

"Oh, well _that__'__s_ good," Celine approved. "See… when we said revenge, I was thinking more along _those_ lines than… than what you wanna do with that knife."

"Jesus Christ, Celine, you never like _any_ of my ideas! You don't want me to inflict a horrible skin condition on him; you don't want me to make it agony for him to touch Kylie; you don't want me to cut off his penis…"

"Oh, God, it sounds _really_ horrible when you actually _say_ it."

"Well I'm going to."

"No you are not!"

Wanda turned back to Eduardo, and Celine made a lunge for the knife. Then they were in a scuffle, squealing at each other like a couple of little girls, the knife glinting angrily in the candlelight. Eduardo watched, transfixed, and silently rooted for Celine.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

If anything, Kylie's disgust of that thing increased during the drive. Her body shook the whole way. Sometimes it even crawled over her knees or her arms, its under-formed little hands stretching towards the window. When that happened, she had to wait for the next left turn before she could lure it back to the dashboard. When she seemed to be facing Eduardo, she felt reassured. When the charred little body flung itself to one side or even, once or twice, the back of the car, she felt that she was just going round in circles.

But eventually, somehow, she made it. Kylie drove down the darkened street once, and then the foetus was at the back of the car again, screaming. The scream was so urgent, she knew she had the right place. She drove slowly past all the houses, her throat dry and her heart hammering, and screeched on the brakes just outside the building that the thing seemed most interested in. Then she made a grab for the trap, sucked the foetus inside and breathed an immense sigh of relief. She didn't like thinking of it as "the foetus". It wasn't one, not really - but in her panic and her hurry she could think of no other word for it. But now it was gone. She could forget about it. She clambered out of the car and made a dash for the house.

"Kylie?"

Her name. Now how did _that_ happen? She didn't want to believe it, but it was definitely Roland's voice, clear as day. She whipped round, and saw him jogging towards her.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" She hadn't meant to, but she screamed the whole sentence. Roland looked positively terrified.

"Why are you going in there?" he asked reasonably.

"Tell me what you're doing here!"

"I, I dropped someone off."

"_What_?" She was squeaking now - it was most undignified. "Where?"

"That house right there - the one you're so interested in. Tell me - "

"Who _the hell _did you drop off?"

"Celine."

"_Celine_? What the hell are you doing out with _Celine_?"

"Well I was - "

"She's kidnapped Eduardo - he's in there!"

As soon as she'd said this, Kylie made another beeline for the house, but Roland grabbed her elbow.

"GET OFF ME!" she yelled.

"CALM DOWN!" Roland yelled even louder. "Ky, I'm going to help you, but first I need you to tell me what's going on. Celine couldn't have kidnapped Eduardo - I've been with her all night."

"Then it was Wanda," said Kylie, wondering how much of the story she should tell. She couldn't tell him everything from the first time Eduardo confessed to feeling less than a hundred percent well - there just wasn't time. "Eduardo and I have had some problems. He moved out for a few days, but then tonight I went to see him and we talked about it and we had sex and he agreed to come home, but there was a foetus in his kitchen cupboard so I went to get some equipment and when I got back he was gone and I _know_ Wanda and Celine - well, Wanda, anyway - took him and brought him here."

Roland was silent for a moment. Then he said, "How do you -?"

"For fuck's sake, Roland, I'll explain it all later! Now are you going to help me or not?"

"Yes," said Roland. "Yes, of course. Only I don't think Celine - "

"Yeah, well." Kylie grabbed Roland's wrist and began pulling him towards the front door. "We'll find out, won't we?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Oz was walking Jessica home. It was a fairly long walk, but doable, and the two of them had agreed that it would be a pleasant way to end their night together.

"Even if he _does_ think it's the greatest book ever," said Jessica, "it won't change his opinion about the medium. I mean, you can give Egon a book, but he'll think: Well, it's nothing I couldn't read off a screen."

"I am aware of it," said Oz. "I chose that particular book for him because it is, to an extent, a book about books. Have you read it?"

"Many years ago, yes."

"Then you'll know that Matilda Wormwood is an under-indulged child genius who is able to flourish only by reading," said Oz, as they happened to reached the Venkmans' front door. "Well, at least at first. She's brilliant and her parents don't even know it. Before she starts school, for the first five years of her life, books are her only friends. Surely your Dr. Spengler would approve of her indulging her mind. See, what the story's actually saying is that the print novel is vital to our development as human beings. Reading a novel off a screen is just a few steps away from letting the computer _write_ it, but we _need_ stories created by human beings, Jessica, and we need to read them off the page without millions of little lights coming off the words and doing untold damage to our eyes. We don't live in an ideal world, but without the print novel it would be hellish."

"Ri-ight," Jessica said slowly. "Y'know, I'm not so sure Egon will infer all of that."

"But how can he not?"

"Look, I've read _Matilda_. When she's about four she walks down to the library every day and picks up a book and reads it, doesn't she? Egon would say she might just as well log onto a computer and read it off the screen."

"Oh, but that's no good at all!" Oz looked genuinely upset. "The evils of technology are touched upon in the story, you know. If Matilda spent the time she spends reading staring at screens, she'd gain none of the same benefits."

"Hey, I know," said Jessica. "You don't have to tell me."

At this, Oz smiled. "You're fond of books, aren't you?"

"Yeah, you bet," said Jessica. "Bring on the books."

"How many years since you read _Matilda_? Exactly," he added.

"Exactly?" echoed Jessica. "I don't know. Seven or eight, maybe? I remember the movie a little better than the book, to be honest with you."

Oz's expression darkened slightly. "That," he said, "is an abomination."

"What, the movie?"

"No, it was overall a fair adaptation. But if you remember it better than the novel, you should re-read the novel."

Jessica scowled. "Who says I should?"

"It is only polite to Mr. Dahl."

"I was right about you, wasn't I?" Jessica said churlishly. "One date and you already think you can tell me what to do."

"It was merely a suggestion." Suddenly, his tone was as soft as it had ever been. "At least you _have_ read the book. No one watching a literary adaptation has any business doing so unless they've read the book first. Don't you agree?"

"No," said Jessica, at once forming her opinion on this previously unconsidered issue just for the sake of disagreeing. She wanted him to know he wasn't in a dominant position, and she wanted to see how he would react. But he didn't seem to mind.

"Now then," said Oz. "I gave you _The Commitments_, didn't I?"

Jessica held up her right hand, in which she held two thin paperbacks. "Right here."

"And the Storm Constantine novel for your brother?"

"Ah-ha."

"I really believe he'll identify with it," said Oz. "It would have us believe that music _is_ about things. I don't see it myself. Whenever the meaning of a song comes into the story, the emphasis is always on the lyrics. It's words that sustain us. What time is it?"

"Um." Jessica lifted her hands and illuminated her digital watch. "Oh. _Late_."

"Oh, I do apologise."

"Don't sweat it."

"When can I see you again?"

"Maybe when I've read _The Commitments_."

"You might not want to discuss that one," said Oz. "It's a good deal shorter than the Piercy novel, and there isn't half so much to talk about."

"Well," said Jessica, "we'll find out if you let me go in and start reading."

"Well then, goodnight."

He kissed her, always keeping his mouth closed, and for no longer than three seconds. Jessica thought it seemed small even for a first date, though not unreasonably so. As much as she didn't want to, she liked it. There was no getting away from the fact that he was attractive, and intriguingly older.

"'Night," she said vaguely, as he walked away.

When she got in, Oscar was sitting on the couch and reading a magazine.

"Have you been waiting up for me?" asked Jessica.

"'Course not. So how was your date?"

"Oh, all right - after he got the idea that I didn't want him holding doors for me and shit."

"He has manners, I'll give him that," said Oscar.

"_Outdated_ manners," Jessica said distastefully. "So how was _your_ date?"

"It wasn't a date."

"Yeah, but how was it?"

"Great," said Oscar, "until I tried to kiss her outside Burger King."

"Oh, no – you didn't actually listen to Dad, did you?"

"I wasn't even _thinking_ about Dad. I just did it because it felt right – but actually it made her very angry, because I was pestering her to go out with me and then I finally got her to agree by saying I wouldn't try anything. God, I'm an idiot."

"Yeah."

"I didn't plan it, you know. I really thought I_ wasn__'__t_ going to try anything."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," said Jessica, sitting down next to him on the couch. "I've brought you a book from Oz."

"You've brought me a _what_?"

"A book from Oz. Here," and she handed him the novel titled _Thin Air_. "You should try it. It's kind of about you."

"No it's not."

"Well, no, it's not – but it _is_ about a handsome young rock star who's passionately opposed to the degree of commercialism in the music business."

"Oh, right," said Oscar, looking interested at last as he skim-read the back cover. "I'm not a rock star."

"You will be."

"I might not be."

"I think Oz's book bag is magic or something."

Oscar looked at her. "You think Oz's book bag is magic or something?"

"Yes, I do. I mean, he takes it with him absolutely everywhere – and then whenever he sees _anyone_ it's like, 'Ah, hey, I've never met you before but here's a book I think you'd really like.' He suddenly got _that_ one out in the middle of eating a pizza, and that _really_ struck me as odd. He wanted to give me this one for you when he knocked on the door" – she indicated _The Commitments_ – "but then I told him you wouldn't like it, so he said he'd find something else – and then an hour later he suddenly realises he had _Thin Air_ in his bag all along and it's perfect for you. I mean, it's so _likely_, isn't it?"

"Less likely than a magic bag?"

"After some of the shit you and I have seen? Hell yeah."

"So is that what you're reading next?" asked Oscar, nodding towards the other paperback in his sister's hand.

"Yeah," she said. "I told him I didn't think _you__'__d_ be able to see past the Irish dialect."

"Irish dialect? God, no. And then what? Will you go out to dinner and discuss it?"

"Well," said Jessica, "Oz thinks I won't have as much to say about this one as I did about the last one. I tell you, _Woman on the Edge of Time _is absolutely amazing. It pretty much says that men and women will never be totally equal until there's no childbirth."

"Really? How does _that_ work?"

"Well, women have always been subjugated because they have to bear children, but at the same time it's the only actual power we have over men – so if women give up the one power they _do_ have in exchange for no more power for any- "

"I mean how is there no childbirth?"

"Oh. Well, they grow babies in labs. Children have no particular parents, and _everybody_ breastfeeds them. Even the men."

"_What_?" Oscar wrinkled his nose. "That's completely sick!"

"Well, that's one side of the debate," said Jessica. "It's not like a classic utopia – not everything is black and white. I mean, who really thinks abolishing motherhood would be a _good _thing? But on the other hand, there's total equality and everybody's happy. Would you like to read it?"

"No."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Wanda may have been the one with the knife, but Celine was quite simply bigger. She had Wanda pinned to the ground, and was sitting on her, when the door burst open and Roland and Kylie blundered in. Roland happened to spot the light switch, and so flicked it on. The room was flooded with light, and when Kylie saw Eduardo, she ran to him.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Wanda and Celine said in unison.

"Take a guess," Roland said dryly. "Celine, what are you playing at?"

"Hey, I knew nothing about this," said Celine. "I'm trying to get this knife away from Wanda, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Oh," said Roland, descending the stairs at a leisurely pace. "Well, good."

"Wanda," said Celine. "Give the knife to Roland and we'll talk about this."

Wanda looked unhappy, but she didn't object, and was letting Roland take her knife when Kylie suddenly said, "What have you _done_ to him?" Up until that point she had been kneeling on the floor with her arms around Eduardo, watching his mouth move and wondering why no words were coming out.

"Get off me, Celine," Wanda said acidly. "He's mute now, Kylie."

"Well make him un-mute!"

"No!"

As Wanda got to her feet, so did Kylie. The latter then cleared the distance between them in three strides, grabbed Wanda's arms and pinned her against the nearest wall with more strength than she ever knew she possessed.

"Let him go," said Kylie.

"Oh, Kylie," said Wanda, "you're beautiful when you're angry."

Kylie was momentarily stumped. Then she said, "_What_?"

"Haven't you ever even _thought_ about it?" Wanda went on breathily. "Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to be with a - "

"I don't believe this!" said Kylie. "This isn't even _about_ Bess!"

"I knew it wasn't!" Celine said indignantly. "And this _so_ isn't the time, Wanda."

"Oh, why do _you_ care?" Wanda snapped. "You were about to dump me anyway."

"_I was not_!"

"Look," Roland said reasonably, "I think the first thing we should do is - "

"It was _always_ about Bess," said Wanda, looking Kylie straight in the eye. "The fact that he's with you… that _really_ pisses me off, but it _is_ about Bess. She was my friend, and he killed her."

"He did not," Kylie said, through gritted teeth, "kill her. A demon killed her."

"Kylie, come on, you know what happened. It killed her because - "

"It killed her because she was _pathetic_!" Kylie exclaimed suddenly. She let go of Wanda and span round, turning a dramatic glare onto the other three occupants of the room. "She killed _her own child_! That's not Eduardo's fault - he never even knew about it! _She_ had sex, _she_ got pregnant and if she _ever_ wanted to have the baby she would have told him! She said she loved him - she'd have known he'd support her! The only thing she knew he _wouldn__'__t_ do was marry her, and that's why she did it - because she wouldn't even _consider_ doing something a _little bit _challenging without a man to prop her up! He had a right to know - I mean, hell, she probably only decided not to tell him because she thought he might want her to have the baby! She was absolutely _pathetic_! I got pregnant too, and you might stand there and tell me I don't know how it would have been if Eduardo had left _me_ as well, but I _do_ know - I never would have done that to my child!"

No one stared harder than Eduardo, because he knew that this was the full version of what Kylie had been trying to tell him - rather more tactfully - ever since they learnt that Bess had died. And she wasn't even done yet. She had started to say, "It was her own stupid feeble pathetic fault that she - "… and then she was stopped when Celine marched over to her and started dragging her to the floor by her hair.

"CELINE!" Wanda and Roland yelled in unison, and they both made a lunge for her, between them managing to pull her away from Kylie.

"Wanda, were you _listening_?" spat Celine, shaking Roland off her arm. "Did you _hear_ her calling your best friend pathetic?"

"She _was_ pathetic," said Kylie. She was on her knees, a line of blood falling from the corner of her mouth, and Roland had to make another grab for Celine as she lunged again.

"Kylie, you're upset," Wanda said gently, and she actually got onto the floor with her.

"Get your hands off me!" snapped Kylie, wrenching her arm away from Wanda's touch.

"She's not gay, Wanda," said Celine. "How many times?"

"I don't how she can be so sure, never having tried it," said Wanda, and she made a grab for Kylie, this time holding her arms so tightly that her trying to move away did no good. Kylie objected noisily as Wanda pressed her lips to hers, doing her best to kick and push herself free. She heard noise from the rusting chains of the manacles as, presumably, Eduardo made some vague attempt to come and rescue her. Celine, meanwhile, made a beeline for the stairs while Roland grabbed Wanda round the waist and pulled her away.

"You _bitch_!" yelled Kylie, who had felt so sure she was about to experience some kind of rape. It would have been a wonderful punishment for Eduardo, of course, having to watch the woman he loved subjected to such an ordeal while he was chained to the wall. It could still happen, if it was not beyond Wanda's power to incapacitate Roland - but thankfully the moment seemed to have passed.

"Celine, where are you going?" Wanda said irritably.

"You _never_ wanted me, did you?" yelled Celine, her eyes shining with tears as she turned at the top of the stairs to gaze down on the basement.

"I did!" said Wanda. "But you've been lusting after Roland all this time - I just _know_ you have! You went out with him tonight, didn't you?"

"I suppose it would be more acceptable if he was a woman!" said Celine.

"You _promised_ me you preferred women!"

"Well I don't, I prefer him! I _hate_ you!"

Celine seemed to think these appropriate parting words, and she left, slamming the door behind her. Wanda stared after her for a moment, panting from the effort of all that shouting, and then turned her gaze back to the three Ghostbusters.

"Let him go," said Kylie, in dangerous tones.

"I can't," Wanda said airily.

Kylie was breathing heavily, her eyes and fingers twitching, clearly struggling to control her anger. She took several deep breaths and then said, in a low voice, "Why not?"

"No key."

"_What_?"

"There's no locks on those manacles, and no key. You just snap 'em on, and… that's it. I think there's a bone saw around here somewhere, though - it would give me unutterable pleasure to - "

Suddenly Kylie let out a primal scream and marched towards Wanda yet again, this time slamming her up against the wall with her hand on her throat.

"Celine mentioned a landlord," Roland said quickly. "Would _he_ be able to free him?"

"He might," Wanda said airily. "Kylie, may I ask you something?"

By this time, Kylie was too worked up to answer.

"Do you _really_ intend to kill me?"

"I sure as hell feel like it!"

"Don't," said Wanda. "I'm outnumbered - I can see that now. If you let me go I'll fix him up for you good as new."

Kylie made no move to oblige.

"Kylie…" said Roland.

"She's lying," said Kylie.

On hearing this, Wanda grabbed Kylie's arm and tore her hand away from her throat. Kylie took a few steps back, not wanting to be molested again, and they all just stood there, stalemated, until Celine returned.

"Can't you just take your oversexed fuck buddy and _get out of here_?" she said to Kylie.

"No," said Kylie, "I can't. Those manacles don't open."

"Oh they must," Celine said scornfully, marching over to Eduardo and examining his bonds. "Oh Wanda, Jesus Christ - did you _know_ these wouldn't open?"

"I noticed there was no lock," said Wanda. "Look, don't worry about it. Lover boy here says you told him about Oz - he'll know what to do."

"Oz?" said Roland. "Your landlord is really weird _and_ he's called Oz?" He looked at Kylie. "That can't be coincidence, can it?"

"Oh God, I don't know," said Kylie. "It might. I guess we'll find out, won't we? And in the meantime… ah hell, I don't want to be in the same room with these people anymore."

"Then leave," Celine said acidly.

Kylie shook her head. She went over to Eduardo, knelt down with him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Not on your life."

"Wanda, were you telling the truth?" asked Roland. "Will you undo all of this stuff you did to Eduardo?"

"Actually," said Wanda, "I don't think I will."

"Jesus, Wanda, you never know when to _stop_," said Celine. "_I__'__ll_ do it. I still hate the shit out of this guy, but not having a sick sexual obsession with his wife, I think he's suffered enough. Are you going to try and stop me, Wanda?" There was challenge in her tone.

"Well," said Wanda, "Roland's got my knife, so I guess not. Just do it - I don't care."

Celine crossed the room to the packing crate, and picked up a small object that nobody else had noticed.

"So _now_ what are you going to do?" asked Wanda.

"I'm going to find that book we got it from," said Celine, and once again she ascended the stairs and exited the basement.

"What _was_ that, Wanda?" asked Roland.

"Just an earring."

"_You_ had the earring he lost?" Kylie cried indignantly.

"Yes, _we_ had the earring he lost. Honestly, Kylie, I was _trying_ to do you a favour. You and your daughters are better off without him. I even thought you might be grateful."

"Grateful?" yelled Kylie. "_Grateful_?"

She made as though to stand up, but Eduardo grabbed her arms and shook his head, clearly not wanting any more violence. Kylie looked at him for a moment, and then seemed to calm down. She put her arms around him, and Wanda looked away.

Minutes passed. Then suddenly Kylie said, "Eddie, your sores are clearing up!"

"Oh, she figured it out at last," muttered Wanda. "Bravo, Celine."

"Can you talk?" asked Roland.

Eduardo opened his mouth, and began to cough violently. Then at last he said, in the voice of someone just getting over a severe throat infection, "Yeah… yeah, I can."

"Oh, thank God," said Kylie, almost in tears, and she hugged him again.

A little more time passed, and then the basement door flew open. They all looked up, the three Ghostbusters hoping fervently that it was Oz - the landlord Oz who could probably open the manacles, whether he was Jessica's Oz or not - but it wasn't. It was two rather large men in white coats.

"Wanda Kazinsky?" one asked, looking at Wanda.

"Who the hell are you?" said Wanda.

At that moment Celine suddenly popped into view at the top of the stairs and said, "Yeah, that's her."

"You're going to have to come with us, Miss Kazinsky," said one of the men, as he and his colleague descended the stairs. "We have been advised that you are mentally unstable, and a danger to yourself and others."

"_What_?" yelled Wanda. "No fucking way! Celine, you absolute _bitch_!"

"You will be assessed as soon as possible, and if we believe you to be of sound mind you'll be free to go," the white-coated man went on, sounding rather dubious of this outcome as he noticed the semi-naked man chained to the wall.

"CELINE!" screamed Wanda. "You'll pay for this! I can't believe you're having me _committed_, you traitorous little…! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, CELINE!"

"Woo, yay, I'm next on her list," Celine said dully, descending the stairs yet again.

"That was… I think you did the right thing, Celine," said Roland.

"Yeah, well," said Celine. "She wanted to cut off his penis."

"She wanted to _what_?" cried Kylie.

"Celine," said Eduardo. "Thanks for stopping her. It was big of you."

"I know it was," said Celine. "It _is_ the reason Bess died."

"I know that," said Eduardo. "And I really am - "

"Don't you dare apologise," said Kylie. "It wasn't your - "

"Kylie," said Celine. "For all our sakes, do not start that again."

"Celine," said Roland. "How can you be so cold? Will you _look_ at them?"

Celine looked. What she saw were two cowed and exhausted looking people hunched together on the floor, one of them chained to a wall; he with a nasty cut across his torso and blood dripping down his chest and abdomen; she with a trail of blood on her chin and finger-sized bruises on her upper arms.

"Well?" said Roland.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you sorry?"

"Sorry?" echoed Celine. "_Sorry_? Hell no."

Roland was momentarily speechless. Then he said, "But…"

"Roland, you were wrong," said Celine. "There's no hope for me. I see them like that now, and even though I wouldn't go so far as to say that I _like_ it… I don't care! I hate them, both of them, just… _so much_. They deserve each other," she finished acidly.

"Celine, come on, they've got _children_," said Roland.

"I know." She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "They should be culled."

The three Ghostbusters' jaws all dropped open, and then once again the front door sounded upstairs. Again, Celine left the basement. They heard voices, but no words, and then Roland said, "That _is_ Jessica's Oz."

As if on cue, Oz swaggered into view on the stairs and said, "Hello there. I didn't expect to see you three here tonight."

"I'm sorry, Oz," said Celine, following him downstairs. "I didn't know she'd do this."

"_You__'__re_ their landlord?" said Roland, just for clarity.

"It's a pocket-sized world, Dr. Jackson, isn't it?" said Oz. "Oh dear. You two look rather the worse for wear."

"We'll be fine," said Kylie. "If we can get these manacles off."

"Oz," said Roland. "Suppose I were to tell Jessica that you had manacles attached to your basement wall, and she challenged you about it. What would you say to her?"

"I would say," said Oz, going to take a closer look at the items in question, "that my father installed them for his own purposes, and they haven't been used since he died."

"Is that the truth?" Kylie asked sharply.

"Well, no, because they're in use at this moment," said Oz. "I don't care for them myself, but I've never got around to having them removed. I didn't think they'd do any harm - how foolish this makes me feel. Now then, he _did_ tell me how to open them…"

Oz, who had been stooping over the manacles, rose to his full height and began to take a little walk around the basement. As he walked he balled his right hand, bent his elbow and began rhythmically shaking his wrist. Really, the action was very close to the mime for masturbation, but no one questioned it.

"So how was your date?" asked Celine.

"Successful, I think," said Oz. "She agreed that she _might_ see me again."

"Oz, I'm going to vacate the room in a day or two," said Celine. "And Wanda won't be needing it because I've just had her committed."

"Oh, then you've split up?" asked Oz, still walking around and shaking his fist.

"Yes."

"My condolences. May I enquire as to your next move?"

"I'm going to New Jersey," said Celine. "I was happy there."

"Well, I wish you all the best."

"Do you need, like, the rest of the month's rent or something?"

"The month is almost over," said Oz. "Don't trouble yourself. Now then." He stopped shaking his fist, carried it over to Eduardo and stuck out a forefinger, pointing it at one of the manacles. "Keep still, won't you?"

"Yeah, I was planning to," Eduardo said nervously.

With two flicks of his finger, Oz had the manacles open. They clattered to the ground, and Eduardo let out a sigh of relief.

"Does Jessica know you can do that?" asked Roland.

"Not a bit of it," said Oz. "Not yet, anyway. It hasn't come up in conversation."

"I'm going to bed," said Celine.

"Well, goodnight," said Oz. Then he looked at Eduardo and Kylie. "It looks like you two have sustained some nasty injuries there. One doesn't imagine this sort of thing when one takes on tenants, does one? Would you like to use my bathroom to clean up?"

"No thank you," said Kylie. "I just… I wanna get out of here."

"Of course you do," said Oz. "I shall leave you to compose yourselves. Can you find your own way out?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Roland said vaguely. "Man, this is so _weird_."

"Good evening," Oz said pleasantly, and he made his way up the stairs. Them he turned and said, "Oh, tell you what - I'll leave that Alcott sequel by the front door. Do take it."

"Do you guys want a, um… a moment alone?" asked Roland.

"No, that's ok," said Kylie, as she summoned the energy to pull herself to her feet. "Like I said, I just wanna get out of here and go home. Well… go to Carl's."

"How are the girls?" asked Eduardo, as he too managed with difficulty to stand up.

"They were fine, last I looked. They'll be fast asleep. Culled, honestly - do you think she _meant_ that?"

"No," said Roland. "I don't think she's actually crazy, like Wanda is. Look, I'm… I'm sorry I've been kind of… socialising with her. If I'd known..."

Eduardo swayed a little as he started to walk, and said weakly, "Dude, don't sweat it."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Garrett was the first to arrive in the morning, followed by Janine and Egon and their two children, and after a time Roland, Eduardo and Kylie were definitely _late_. But then they arrived, Eduardo busy in conversation with Conchita and Rose while Roland said to Kylie, "I think last night disproved your theory that - oh, hi Garrett."

"Hi, Garrett."

"Hi, Garrett."

"Hi, Garrett."

"Hi, Garrett."

"Hey," said Garrett.

"What theory of mine did last night disprove, Roland?" asked Kylie.

"That marriages don't break from the outside."

"It doesn't disprove that at all," said Kylie, watching with satisfaction as Rose handed Eduardo _Rose in Bloom_ - the book Oz had left for them - and beckoned her father and sister away from the conversation. "We'd already patched things up by the time Wanda took him. The reason we were having problems in the first place wasn't the curses - it was that _he_ wouldn't talk to me and _I_ pushed too hard."

"So… what, the curses had nothing to do with it?" Roland said sceptically.

"No, not _nothing_. But the fact that we separated over it was entirely down to our handling of the situation."

"Interesting night?" Garrett asked casually.

"Unusual, certainly," said Kylie. "How about you? Did you have a nice run in the park?"

"Much the same as ever."

"Find a good movie to watch?" asked Roland.

"There wasn't anything halfway decent on - we watched _Planet of the Apes _on DVD," said Garrett. "Ky… what happened to your mouth?"

"I got punched," said Kylie, rather proudly.

"_What_? Oh, come on - you're not _really _gonna keep me in the dark about whatever happened last night, are you?"

"Kylie…?" said Roland, feeling that this was not his story to tell.

"Yeah, go on, tell him," said Kylie. "I'm not starting - I'm too tired."

"You'll have to tell him the bits I don't know," said Roland.

"I will," said Kylie. "Just you tell your part first."

"Ok," said Roland. "Well, Garrett, you remember you were wondering if Wanda maybe had a crush on _you_…?"

THE END


End file.
